When You’re Struggling To Love Yourself, Read This

There are no qualifications to being lovable, no bar you have to reach before you can say you’re worthy of love. Actually, the truth is you’re deserving of love right now. The first step if you’re struggling to love yourself is giving yourself permission to show yourself that love. If you feel like your self-esteem is down in the dumps, you have no purpose, and you’re kind of lost, keep reading. This is why you deserve love.

  1. You are enough as you are. You don’t need to change anything about yourself to be lovable. No, really. You’re actually enough exactly as you are. By virtue of the fact that you’re a human being, you already deserve love and happiness. Those things aren’t for people who look a certain way or have achieved a certain level of success. You deserve them right now. It is totally okay to love yourself.
  2. Other people’s opinions don’t define you. Try not to let other people’s opinions define you. It can be hard not to let outside criticism get you down. But because someone else feels a type of way about you doesn’t mean that you have to change the way you see yourself. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And all opinions are subjective. Often, people who lash out at you or put you down are just working through their own issues. So it would be a shame to let those affect you. Don’t let them stop you from seeing yourself for what you are: amazing!
  3. Neither do your mistakes. Your mistakes don’t define you either. Everybody messes up from time to time. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of love. It’s still okay to love yourself if you’ve screwed up in the past because we all screw up. It’s just part of being human.
  4. Or your accomplishments. Similarly, your accomplishments also don’t define you. If you feel like you can’t love yourself because you haven’t achieved your biggest dreams yet, know that you still deserve love without those accomplishments. It’s totally fine to have wild dreams and to pursue them with everything you’ve got. But it’s not okay to start holding it against yourself if you haven’t reached the finish line yet. Give yourself some credit—if your dreams were easy to achieve, everybody would be doing it.
  5. You are making a positive difference. Believe it or not, you are making a positive difference. Even if you feel like your existence doesn’t matter. Even if you feel like no one would care if you disappeared. You might not know it, but you are positively affecting someone, somewhere. It might be someone who secretly feels inspired when they look at your Instagram. Or a stranger you greeted on the street, who hadn’t spoken to another person in days before you said hello. You are making a difference and you do matter.
  6. Your very existence is a miracle. It’s kind of a miracle that you’re here. When you consider that for you to be born all your ancestors had to survive to reproductive age, experts estimate that the odds of being born are actually less than one in 400 trillion. So, literally, you’re a miracle.
  7. Comparing yourself is pointless. It’s difficult to love yourself if you keep comparing yourself. Measuring your life against others, particularly on social media, is pointless and harmful. Comparing yourself to your friends doesn’t give you a true indication of how you’re going in life, because everyone is on a different path. Plus, people only show you what they want you to see on social media. To love and appreciate yourself more, stop the comparisons.
  8. A lot of industries profit off you feeling insecure. Start your self-love journey by accepting that it’s okay to feel insecure. It’s actually really understandable when you consider the fact that lots of industries out there actually manipulate you to feel bad about yourself. Would the cosmetics industry make any money if you woke up tomorrow and decided you love the way you look first thing in the morning? What about the body sculpting people? Spanx? So don’t beat yourself up for feeling insecure, and know you can still love yourself in spite of those insecurities.
  9. You’re more powerful than you think. Love yourself because you’re so much more powerful than you can imagine. There are a lot of factors beyond your control that can make your life difficult. But, ultimately, your future is up to you. Don’t underestimate or take for granted your ability to foster change, both in your life and in the wider community.
  10. You don’t need someone else’s love to start loving yourself. Finally, stop giving weight to the idea that you need someone else’s love to be worthy of love. It’s understandable that you’d feel more lovable if someone else was regularly showing you love, but it doesn’t actually mean you are. You’re not less lovable because you don’t have a partner, okay? You can start showing yourself all the love you deserve to feel, right now, whether or not other people in your life are showing it too.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.