Whenever I Get Depressed About Being Single, I Remind Myself Of These Things

Even if you’re sure that being in a relationship isn’t the right move for you at a certain time, it’s still not always easy to be the only single one in a group. When society places so much emphasis on the importance of finding a partner, it can feel stressful to have no one. I’ve been there! But no matter what society, pop culture, or your friends and family say, it’s totally okay to be single. Whenever I feel the pressure to settle down and allow that influence to get to me, I remind myself of these eight things.

  1. I have time to work on myself. Naturally, without a relationship to take up my time, I have more room to work on myself. I can put more of my effort towards self-improvement and meeting my personal goals than I would be able to do if I had a partner. That’s not to say that self-improvement or personal development flies out the window when you’re in a relationship! But without frequent date nights and other events that demand your time when you’re with someone, I simply have more time to work on meeting my goals and evolving as a person.
  2. I don’t have to think of anyone else but myself. Along with having more time to myself, I can also put myself first. When I make a decision, my needs come first. I don’t have to compromise on major choices or take into account the feelings of a significant other. Of course, I also care about the needs of my friends and family, but they don’t play as big a role in my life as a partner’s would. If I want to pick up and move overseas tomorrow, I could (well, maybe not in the era of Covid). There’s nobody to check in with or consider when it’s time to make those big life choices, and that’s pretty liberating.
  3. I’m the only one who can make myself happy. Ultimately, I’m the only one who can make myself happy. As much as society fears the thought of dying alone or—God forbid—becoming a spinster, being single doesn’t keep me from being happy. Another person, whether that’s a friend or a lover, can’t give me happiness if I can’t create it for myself. Being in a relationship might come with a lot of benefits, but true happiness is not exclusive to having a partner.
  4. I am loveable. One of the most annoying things about being single is that people assume you want a relationship and are only single because you can’t get one. They say things like, “You’re so pretty; how do you not have a boyfriend?” Sigh. As well-meaning as these comments are, they imply that there must be something wrong with you that stops you from landing a partner. Sigh again. There are endless reasons why someone might not want a partner, from prioritizing their career to asexuality to valuing their freedom and lifestyle. Being single doesn’t automatically mean you’re hugely flawed or incapable of finding a partner, ya know! Some of us love it.
  5. I have plenty of meaningful relationships in my life. The absence of a romantic relationship doesn’t equate to loneliness. Although popular culture tells us that we need a partner to be happy and fulfilled, I have plenty of people in my life to love and spend time with. Friendships and family relationships are also important! I might not have a partner, but I do have people to talk to when I feel sad, laugh with when I feel happy, and just hang out with on those days where I don’t feel like being alone.
  6. I have goals and a sense of purpose. Contrary to popular belief, being single doesn’t mean having no purpose when you wake up in the morning. I have huge ambitions for my career and my personal life, and those get me out of bed and keep me going. Truth be told, working towards my goals takes up so much time and energy that it’s a relief to not have the added pressure of having to maintain a relationship as well.
  7. It only takes a split second to meet someone. Never say never. While a relationship isn’t what I want for the time being, it might not be that way forever. It helps to remember that it only takes a split second to meet someone who’s right for you. It’s easy to get discouraged when you’ve spent time on dating apps in the past, but it’s the truth! You can be single with no romantic prospects on Monday and meet someone who is perfect for you on Tuesday.
  8. I’m not settling. Whatever happens, whatever life has in store, it’s always comforting to know that I’m not settling. Dying alone is often the thing that people fear more than anything else, but I think the concept of dedicating your life to someone who’s not right for you and doesn’t make you happy is far more terrifying. I’m a firm believer in that it’s better to have nobody than to have the wrong person.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.