Which Would You Choose: A Clingy Guy Or A Distant Guy?

Which Would You Choose: A Clingy Guy Or A Distant Guy? ©iStock/jovanmandic

Everything in life needs balance, especially relationships, but unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen. While you don’t want to be with a guy who clings to you like a dryer sheet and doesn’t respect your independence, dating someone who goes days without returning your texts is also impossible. So which is worse? That depends on your perspective.

  1. There’s less mystery with a clingy guy. When he’s blowing up your iMessage with anecdotes about his third grade teacher, you might start to dread seeing his name light up your screen. A little mystery is fun and exciting, especially at the beginning of a relationship. It’s awesome to gradually learn more about a guy while revealing parts of yourself as well. If a guy is more into it than you, he might tell you everything all at once, and word vomit isn’t sexy.
  2. But too much mystery isn’t a good thing, either. If you’ve been dating for a while and he doesn’t really volunteer anything about himself, how invested is he? Why doesn’t he trust you with personal details about himself? No one wants to feel like they’re dating a stranger.
  3. Clingy guys can easily become controlling guys. It’s a really fine line between a guy who cares a lot and a guy who cares to the point of controlling the way you live your life. He might use his “attachment” as a way of keeping you away from your friends and family, control the way you look, and other emotional manipulation. That’s when clingy becomes a deal-breaker.
  4. But guys may use distance to hide something. If he disappears for days at a time or only talks when it’s convenient, he might be using all that time to hide something. Of course, that’s not to say all distant guys have double lives, but if he WERE to hide something big from you, he’d need extra space to do it. Just saying.
  5. Clingy guys make it a little too easy. Nothing easy is worth having, right? So if a guy is so attached that he plans every date, anniversary, and holiday without you lifting a finger, it might feel a little underwhelming. Relationships take two people doing equal amounts of hard work. That’s part why they’re so satisfying when they’re successful.
  6. But dating a distant guy may mean way too much work. If you’re the one planning all your dates, making an effort to communicate, or trying to move things forward while he does nothing, you may start to feel unappreciated. You’re way too special to date a guy who doesn’t spoil you at least once in a while.
  7. Clingy guys make jealousy really unsexy. A little jealousy can be fun sometimes; it makes you feel wanted and appreciated. But a little bit goes a LONG way, and once it becomes annoying, there’s no going back. It’s no fun to defend every single interaction you have with guys that aren’t him.
  8. But distant guys may not seem to care. If another guy hits on you in front of him and he doesn’t react or, even worse, he thinks it’s awesome, that can be a major red flag. We like feeling wanted and appreciated, and it can be really hurtful if a guy shows no concern about keeping you around.
  9. Clingy guys move way too fast. He might be so into you that he wants to move lightning fast with major milestones. But when you’ve first met and started to date someone, rushing it just sets you up for failure. Meeting his extended family after the second date is awkward for everyone. Why is he in such a rush?
  10. But distant guys run at the word “commitment”. Distant guys are notorious for being commitment-phobes. They text you back and show lots of interest until the words “exclusive” or “steady” start appearing in conversations. If you know a guy becomes emotionally unavailable at the first sign of commitment on the horizon, run, don’t walk.
Amy Victoria is a writer who lives in Florida. You can usually find her drinking Diet Coke and obsessing over fictional relationships.