Why A Guy Refuses To Be Exclusive

It can be frustrating and confusing when a guy you’re seeing refuses to seal the deal on a relationship that’s been going really well. After you’ve been spending all of your time together, it only seems natural for the two of you to become an official couple. When he refuses to commit, it can make you wonder is there’s something wrong with you. Trust me, the problem is all his.

  1. He has someone on the side. It’s possible that you’re not the only leading lady in your guy’s life, but before automatically assuming he’s seeing someone else, look for other indications. Is he protective of his phone? Does he have terrible excuses for why he can’t meet up? If your gut is telling you there’s another woman, then chances are there is.
  2. He had his heart broken before. He could be hesitant to jump back into another serious relationship if he’s been burned before, which is understandable. If this is the case, try to get him to open up about his past heartbreak so you can understand where he’s coming from. If he’s clearly not over his ex, then give him space to process and for you to move on.
  3. You’re being too clingy. If he feels like you’re already suffocating him even though you’re not even in a relationship yet, then he’s going to think twice before becoming exclusive. Step back and examine your actions. If you think this is the case, ask him directly if he thinks you’re too clingy so that you can work on this for the future.
  4. His career ambitions are too big. If he’s over-consumed with his work or is working towards a large career goal, then he may not have time to devote to a full-time girlfriend. He may worry you’ll distract him or won’t understand how important work is to him.
  5. You’re bad in bed. This may be a hard truth to accept, but if you’re having trouble satisfying your man in bed, then it could explain why he’s reluctant to make things more serious. Just remember that you never have to do something you’re uncomfortable with during sex. Some people just don’t have the same preferences, and even if they like each other, it just doesn’t work out. That’s totally okay.
  6. He’s too young to commit. For many people, age is a reason they don’t want to be tied down in a relationship. You may be his first, so he wants to explore what else is out there before settling down. It doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you, but in this moment, he’s not ready for an exclusive relationship.
  7. It’s not as serious as you think. Maybe you got the wrong hints or mistook his flirting for something more serious. He may have jumped into things thinking it would be a brief fling while you were looking for something long-lasting. Getting signals crossed happens all the time. The best thing to do is sit him down and clear the air.
  8. He’s keeping his options open. While he may not have someone on the side currently, he may be on the prowl, despite hooking up with you. This is a pretty dishonest move if he’s not truthful with you from the beginning. If this is the case, then cut your losses. You don’t need someone who can’t see that you’re all they need.
  9. His friends don’t like you. If you butt heads with his friend circles or if they didn’t get a good first impression of you, it could be a deal-breaker. He’s not going to want to take things up a level if you’re already starting conflict with his friends. And that’s fair – you’d likely feel the same way if it was your friends who didn’t like him.
  10. He’s just not that into you. Unfortunately, you may have gotten your heart set on an asshole who has simply been using you. He may not have had strong feelings from the get-go but wanted to string you along until something better came. This is downright douche bag behavior, and if it applies to you, this isn’t someone you want to pursue something serious with. It may hurt to accept the truth, but after you take time to grieve the relationship, you’ll be in a much better place than you were with him. You’ve got this!
Alexandra is a freelance writer in Montreal, Quebec. She enjoys shopping as a sport, Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-runs, and being a plant mom.