I think we’re all big enough to admit that we’ve all been strung along in a relationship. Or in a situationship. Either way, there are certain lies that we tell ourselves in order to get our heads straight in these moments. It’s how we end up staying in the same unsatisfying relationships for so long. To people on the outside, it’s clear. But, when it’s you waiting for a text back from the guy you’re seeing, you’re on the end of a tough bargain. Here are more reasons why that guy who isn’t texting you just simply isn’t worth your time.
- He clearly isn’t all that into you. If this guy isn’t texting you, he clearly doesn’t like you all that much. It doesn’t matter if he’s said he’s into you when you were last hanging out (or hooking up!) — the proof is in the pudding here. If he wanted to get to know you better and potentially form a relationship with you, he would be in contact regularly. End of story.
- He’s probably texting someone else. If he’s not texting you, who is this guy texting? Chances are, you’re not the only woman on the scene and he has someone else (or several someones) on the go. This means he’s not dedicated to you and is more than likely a bachelor who’s content to play the field and use women as and when he sees fit. You don’t want any part of that.
- You shouldn’t be putting in all the effort. In an ideal world, relationships would always be 50/50. That’s not always possible because, you know, life happens. However, in the early stages of getting to know each other before you’re an official couple, you should both be putting in the effort it takes to win the other over. If it’s all you at this early stage, what would it be like if he was actually your boyfriend? Exactly.
- You’re a catch and he’s not on your level. You’re not the same, and it’s not your fault that he hasn’t clocked that yet. Most guys seem to think that the more out of his league a girl is, the worse he must treat her. The most obnoxious ones seem to think they’re Adonis himself and that that somehow gives them license to treat the women in his life like absolute rubbish. That said, his misunderstanding is not your reason to stay in a ridiculous situation. There’s no blame here, just a reminder that he likely acts out and ghosts you precisely because he knows that you can do better. Think on that.
- He doesn’t respect you. If a guy knows what you want and you’ve been talking for some time, he isn’t an idiot. He knows what you want from him: the attention and the tenderness. Guys aren’t devoid of emotion or critical thinking skills. Don’t give them that out. No, it’s intentional when they’re not answering your texts. Everyone else in your life remembers to respond to you as a part of their busy lives. Does he really think he’s so busy that he can’t send a good morning text? Really?
- He takes you for granted. Simply put, if he wanted to, he would. Because he doesn’t, it means that he thinks you’ll still be there waiting for him when he does choose to respond. Whether that is true or not is beside the point. It’s the thought behind the action. The presumption. The audacity. Prove him wrong by making sure he receives radio silence when he does finally get around to it.
- It sets a precedent. If this pseudo-ghosting is the basis of your relationship, think about what kind of relationship that would grow into. Clearly, it would be completely uneven. He would give himself all the power in the relationship to control the terms and escalate it as he sees fit and you’d be expected to simply put up with it and roll with the punches. This isn’t the reality of a healthy relationship.
- Another man will text you. You might not believe it but he will. Not all men are trash, and you just have to trust yourself and believe that you’re better than this. You deserve more. That self-esteem takes time to earn when a guy erodes it down. Don’t let a man who doesn’t care about your mental health tear you down by hanging on the phone for his reply. Take a coding class instead, it’s way better for you.
- You will not get your needs met. If you don’t feel like you would get a reply within 2-3 business days, then what are you really getting from the relationship? Is he so cute that your serotonin boost when he does text is greater than the depression you feel when he doesn’t? Didn’t think so. It’s a form of regression and you won’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. You don’t get anything out of this relationship. It’s an emotional drain.
- You aren’t his priority. What evidence do you even have that he likes you or wants to commit when he can’t be bothered to reply to you? It’s clear that you don’t fall anywhere on his list of priorities. If you did, he could take the five seconds to type out a quick message to let you know he’s thinking of you and that you’re still on his radar. The fact that he’s not doing this tells you everything you need to know.
- You’ll find yourself in an unequal relationship. Ignoring you for days on end and then popping up and acting like you’re unreasonable for being upset/hurt by his lengthy absence/ignoring you is a problem. These are the first signs of gaslighting and abuse. If he’s consciously conducting himself in ways that make you upset, why invest in that situation? It’ll only worsen and skew even more in his direction. Reclaim your relationship and your emotions. You won’t regret it.
If you find yourself lusting after a man who isn’t worth your time, just remember that you always have the power to get yourself out of that situation. When he does finally come around again, you’ll be ready to say goodbye.
How to respond when he does finally text you
When he does finally find the time to type out a few measly words, you have a few different options on how to respond. The best choice depends on your own personal preferences and situation, but here are a few options.
- Totally blank him. He felt fine ignoring you for days or even weeks, so why shouldn’t you give him a taste of his own medicine? You don’t owe this guy anything and he clearly feels the same about you. Delete his number from your phone, stop following him on social media if you were and even block him for good measure. Good riddance.
- Be upfront about how inappropriate his behavior is. If you feel like it’ll get you anywhere (or you just think it would make you feel better), feel free to tell him exactly what you’re thinking and feeling when the guy starts texting you again. Tell him it’s rude to ignore someone and that you have better things to do with your time than wait around for someone who’s so inconsiderate. Then, follow step one and block him.
- If you really like him, you could give him the benefit of the doubt. This would require setting clear boundaries around what you believe is inappropriate behavior in a relationship (i.e. the guy you’re talking to not texting you for ages) and letting him know that being ignored isn’t something that makes you feel good or that you find to be acceptable. This may be enough to whip him into shape and make him realize that he doesn’t want to lose you. It may also be a waste of your valuable time and energy, but that’s up to you to decide.