“Why Am I So Tired Around My Boyfriend?” — Here’s What’s Going On

You and your boyfriend get home from work and plop down on the couch to enjoy some quality time together… only for your eyes to start closing roughly five minutes later. You’ve missed him this week because of your hectic schedules and you really wanted to catch up. The problem is, you can’t seem to stay awake. Why are you so tired around your boyfriend? What’s going on here?

Is being exhausted around your partner a bad thing?

While being tired around your boyfriend might be annoying, it’s not necessarily a sign of trouble. There are many reasons you feel sleepy when you’re in his presence, and not all of them are bad. Like most things in life, context is important, and only you know for sure what your relationship is like. To answer this question, you’ll need to look at the wider situation.

Why are you so tired around your boyfriend?

  1. You’re bored in the relationship. It sucks to hear this but it could be true. While it’s good to feel at home with your partner and the honeymoon phase fades for everyone, boredom is a whole other issue. If you never plan date nights and don’t have much to talk about, things are going to become stagnant. Too many nights of doing nothing with your boyfriend is bound to make you tired.
  2. You’re really happy with him. On a happier note, you could be sleepy around him because you’re so happy. When you’re content, all those feel-good hormones you produce like dopamine and serotonin put you at ease. It’s no wonder, then, that you feel cozy, relaxed, and ultimately, ready for a nap.
  3. You’re really comfortable with him. Along the same line, being tired around your boyfriend could indicate a high level of comfort. When you can let your guard down and completely be yourself with someone, it’s like a weight off your shoulders. You don’t have to be on high alert all the time and can simply exhale.
  4. You don’t get enough sleep in general. If you’re constantly running on four or five hours of sleep a night, it’s going to catch up with you. The National Sleep Foundation recommends adults get seven to nine hours every night. If you’re not, it could eventually lead to much bigger issues. Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a lack of concentration, headaches, and high blood pressure. Plus, there’s an increased risk of diabetes, heart attack, and stroke, per verywell mind.

Or, it could be that…

  1. You spend a lot of time together late at night. Of course you’re going to feel tired around your boyfriend when you don’t get together until 9 or 10 p.m. every night. Maybe that’s all your schedule allows at the moment, and that’s okay. However, it makes perfect sense that you don’t have much energy at that point in the day. Who would?
  2. You’re having a lot of sex. This seems like a pretty good problem to have, to be fair. If you’re getting it on so much that you’re simply worn out sexually, it’s likely your exhaustion is pleasurable. Unfortunately, it also probably means you need to strike a bit more balance in your relationship. But, hey, at least the attraction is there!
  3. You carry most of the mental and physical load. Women often end up doing most of the emotional labor in a relationship by default. Add weaponized incompetence to the mix and it starts to feel like you’re carrying the entire partnership on your shoulders. It’s little wonder, then, that you’re tired whenever you’re around your boyfriend. When you’re the one doing everything, it takes its toll.
  4. You’re trying to avoid him. If you’re asleep, you don’t have to deal with him, right? Maybe your brain is subconsciously shutting itself off so that you can avoid meaningful conversations and time with your partner. It’s not so much that you’re tired around your boyfriend, it’s that don’t want to be around him right now. So, you fall asleep to get out of awkward moments.
  5. You’re stressed and fighting a lot. If your relationship has been a bit rocky lately and fights are common, it’s going to wear you down. It’s important to solve the issues leading to your constant arguments. However, sometimes you just don’t have the energy.
  6. You have undiagnosed health issues. If none of the above are true and you’re still feeling incredibly tired around your boyfriend, it’s time to seek medical attention. While not an emergency, a check-up can ensure you’re in tip-top shape and there’s nothing serious going on.

What to do if your tiredness is becoming an issue

If the state of your relationship is solid but you’re still struggling to stay awake, it may be worth taking steps in other parts of your life to relieve your exhaustion. For instance, if you don’t get enough sleep on a daily basis, change your habits. Put your phone away earlier, maybe take some melatonin or have a Sleeptime tea, and turn the lights out earlier.

If you’ve tried everything else and your energy levels are still lagging, it may be time to see your doctor. You may need some blood tests or other diagnostics to ensure everything’s in order. While you’re probably healthy as a horse and it’s likely nothing to worry about, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.

Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.
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