Why Are So Many Guys Anti-Marriage?

Why Are So Many Guys Anti-Marriage? ©iStock/_chupacabra_

Relationships have definitely changed in the past several decades, and one of the biggest differences is that fewer millennial couples are getting married. That’s not a problem in and of itself — after all, an expensive wedding doesn’t imply a happy relationship — but it seems to be a bigger issue for men, many of whom view marriage as the equivalent of a death sentence. It should go without saying, but it’s really not that bad. Here’s what all those anti-marriage guys need to keep in mind:

  1. Good marriages actually exist. Anyone who thinks marriage is an outdated institution likely doesn’t know any happily married couples. Those couples do exist, and they don’t regret getting married at all. Sure, you can have commitment without exchanging vows, but being married is a special bond that many relationships thrive on, not dread.
  2. It’s your choice to get married. Since when are guys forced to get married? Since when has this ever been the case? I thought it was always girls who were sent from their parents’ house to their husband’s. If you don’t want to get married, fine, that’s a totally valid decision. But you don’t need to whine about it.
  3. If your relationship is solid, your marriage will be, too. It’s as simple as that. It’s crazy how people think that a bad marriage just magically happens, like one day you wake up and the person you chose to be with forever suddenly hates you and is on a mission to make your life miserable. That’s not how it goes down. You’re totally in control, so spend less time worrying about marriage and more time devoted to meeting someone you’re into.
  4. You need to stop being sexist. It’s obnoxious when guys talk about how awful “wives” are supposed to be – that whiny stereotype of the woman who slaves over a hot stove while the man is at work making the big bucks. Um, hello — it’s 2015. Women work these days, if you haven’t heard yet. There’s no reason to worry about that 1950s marriage happening today.
  5. A white wedding is not every girl’s dream. Why do so many guys think that every girl thinks the exact same way? Most women don’t sit around daydreaming about walking down the aisle (at least not constantly), so it’s weird when they think it about us. Some of us want a true storybook wedding and some don’t give a crap. Stop painting us with the same brush.
  6. You can do whatever you want. Get married. Don’t get married. Stay engaged for 5 years. Elope. Move in together and form a domestic partnership. You don’t need anyone’s permission to love someone the way you want to without any societal pressure. You don’t have to get married if you don’t want to, so you should probably stop ranting about it.
  7. Your fear of commitment is the bigger issue. When a guy says thinks marriage is terrible and ridiculous, you have to wonder why he’s so freaked out. Doesn’t he want an awesome relationship? Doesn’t he want that love to grow and evolve into something even better? If you hate marriage and yet you’re still single, which means you’re not getting hitched anytime soon, maybe think about what exactly you’re looking for.
  8. A rant will get you nowhere. There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion and expressing it. That’s what free speech is all about, obviously. But generally, when we rant about stuff, it matters more to us than to the person on the receiving end of our total and utter frustration. A first date is definitely not the right place for this kind of ranting.
  9. You could change your mind. There are some things that you know are inherently wrong even if you haven’t experienced them, but when it comes to marriage, you kind of need to be in a lasting relationship that’s approaching that level of total commitment to decide how you feel. Even if you hate the idea of saying “I do” now you could think otherwise if you meet someone you really fall for.
  10. Everything seems scary in the abstract. Literally anything you could name is much worse when it’s an abstract concept and not actually something you’re dealing with first-hand. Sure, the idea of being tied down to one person for the rest of your life scares you, but that’s because you haven’t met that person yet. Once you do, you’ll want to do everything with them and share every experience you can. You won’t want to limit yourself at all. So why close yourself off from possibility?
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.