You’ve found someone you like and who supposedly likes you back, which is great. Still, even though are so many times that he can’t keep his hands off you, there are also countless moments that feel “off” in your relationship, from him constantly failing to text you back to bailing on dates at the last minute. What’s the deal?
- He’s not sure how he feels about you. The first logical explanation for a situation in which the guy seems to be super into you one minute and totally uninterested the next is that he’s not sure how he feels about you. This is why it’s coming across as very confusing—he’s very confused about his feelings himself!).
- He’s seeing other people. He could be dating other people behind your back and he’s just not sure how to handle all the lies and deceit, hence him being the human equivalent of a rollercoaster ride. Not cool.
- He doesn’t want commitment. Sure, he might actually like you as much as he’s saying he does. In fact, he may even like you more than he expected and his strong feelings are scaring him. Why? He doesn’t want commitment, of course. Instead of telling you that, he’s showing you in a very bizarre way.
- He’s trying to hint to you what he’s thinking and feeling instead of telling you. Some guys don’t purposefully act hot and cold, but some do. It’s a cowardly way to do it, but I’ve personally had many experiences of guys who have been trying to hint to me where I stand without actually telling me. I know—crazy, right? We aren’t mind-readers.
- You’re his plan B. The crux of the matter is that if he’s treating you this way, you’re not a priority. Anyone who plays games with you is actively disrespecting you and your feelings in favor of their own. If he really wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would be. It really is that simple.
So what can you do about it? Instead of just putting up with it or making excuses for bad behavior, you need to take charge of the situation and demand what you deserve.
- The first step is taking back control. No one deserves to feel powerless. This is why you need to take back control. After all, you’re nobody’s plan B, right?
- Call him out on his behavior. Get to the bottom of this situation by engaging in a face-to-face conversation with him. If you’re struggling to meet up with him for whatever reason, a phone call would also suffice. Be bold and brave and ask him how he truly feels about you because let’s face it, this is the only way that you’re ever going to find out. Tell him that his behavior has been confusing and let him know that you just need to know where you stand.
- Decide whether it’s an issue that can be fixed. How you proceed comes down to what he says. If he’s not sure if he’s ready for a relationship with you (or in general), then you have to decide whether you’re willing to sacrifice what you want for the sake of what he wants. (Spoiler alert: you shouldn’t.) If he’s been seeing other people, you have to decide if you’re OK with that. If he’s confused about his feelings for you, you have to decide whether you’re willing to give him some space so that he can figure it out. Either way, it’s all about deciding whether he’s worth the hassle.
- Decide whether he’s worth sticking around for. If he practically admits that you’re his plan B and he’s been trying to hint to you how he feels through blowing hot and cold, run. Why? If he’s purposefully acting like this early on in your relationship, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of it. In this case, he’s clearly not a person who’s great at expressing his feelings or cares about hurting others. If he was, he wouldn’t intentionally treat you the way that he’s been treating you and have a little bit more respect for another human being. Just saying.
- Give him an ultimatum. If you really like him and your connection with him is unparalleled to any other, you might decide to try and work through it. However, the only way that things are going to progress is if both of you are willing to put in the effort. Tell them that you either both try hard to make it work or you go your separate ways. If he really likes you as much as he says he does, he won’t argue with this. In fact, he’ll step it up from that point onwards in terms of the effort, time, and energy that he spends on you. Good luck!
