Hooking up is, by nature, a casual, often impersonal type of romantic encounter. It’s the kind of thing you do with a stranger after meeting at a party or a friend in the throes of drunken passion. It rarely leads to anything deeper. Hooking up with the same girl multiple times would therefore seem to be a contradiction, so why do so many guys do it? Here are a few reasons.
It’s easy. No one wants to be told they’re easy, but if a guy is hooking up with the same girl on a regular basis, it is more likely than not that convenience is the reason. When a guy finds a woman who’s good in bed, undemanding, and frequently available, he has no reason to look elsewhere. Sleeping around with lots of people can turn into a minefield of confusion and hurt feelings, so for someone who just wants sex, staying with one person is by far the easiest option.
They think it’s a relationship. Maybe he is completely misreading the situation and thinks he and the woman are dating. Guys who are passive in relationships and feel uncomfortable communicating are more likely to misunderstand the nature of their romantic involvements with women. He might think that every hookup is an affirmation of interest, and that, after a certain period of time, a relationship comes into being by default.
He’s catching feelings. Some people can’t admit to themselves that they’re falling for someone who they didn’t expect to fall for. If a guy is hooking up with the same woman, it’s possible that he is becoming more and more captivated with each meeting, but refuses to accept that he’s falling in love. If you’re the woman in this situation, there are ways that guys accidentally reveal their feelings. Keep an eye out for subtle clues.
He doesn’t want to make things complicated. Even though hooking up is an implicitly no-strings-attached arrangement, it can get messy. Miscommunication happens and feelings inevitably get hurt. If a guy finds a girl to hook up with who doesn’t ask for anything and keeps their situation discrete, why would he start hooking up with other people who might be more “demanding”?
He can’t believe his luck. A guy will stick with the same woman if he knows he’s punching above his weight. If he recognizes that she is out of his league in looks, personality, or any other way, he’ll keep coming back until she puts an end to it. Psychologically, his ego may get a little bump every time he hooks up with her. Being with her makes him feel like a more impressive version of himself.
He likes the sex. Sometimes the most obvious explanation is the correct one. If sex is the basis of the arrangement and he shows no signs of looking for someone else, it’s safe to conclude that the sex is bangin’ and he doesn’t need to look for alternative sources. When a man finds great sex, he’s going to be content for the foreseeable future until emotions get involved or the sex gets boring.
He’s rebounding from a breakup. When a guy goes through a rough breakup, he finds himself on rocky emotional terrain. He longs for the closeness of a committed relationship but is unable to connect with anyone. Heartbreak makes him yearn for love but prevents him from moving on from the person who caused it. In this situation, he might find solace in hooking up with the same person. It’s comforting and familiar but doesn’t require him to connect or be vulnerable.
He thinks they’re friends-with-benefits. He may be hooking up with the same woman due to a miscommunication. He may think that the second hookup meant they were automatically agreeing to a friends-with-benefits arrangement, while the woman, reasonably, thinks that a direct conversation is required to establish such an understanding. Contrary to what many people believe, FWB requires just as many ground rules as an exclusive, committed relationship. It can’t just be fallen into.
She’s reliable. There’s a widely-perpetuated cliché that singles are constantly having sex while people in committed relationships never get any. But this is demonstrably untrue. Unless you’re incredibly sexy and incredibly unoccupied, single people have to work hard to have sex. All of the effort that goes into getting into bed with someone is time-consuming and exhausting. If a guy already knows a girl who’s almost always available, he’ll keep coming back for more.
He’s an introvert. Reliability is especially a bonus for a guy who doesn’t enjoy social situations. Flirting with and seducing total strangers may come naturally to some people, but for a lot of us, it’s a nightmare. A guy who enjoys hanging out at home or being with his friends probably dreads having to meet new people. He’ll stick with a woman he already knows rather than try to meet a complete stranger as long as he possibly can.
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