Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance In My Relationship? What’s Really Going On

While it’s good to receive validation and reassurance in life and love, there comes a point where you need to trust your instincts and your partner and stop needing them to affirm who you are. When you can’t seem to move past this, it becomes a problem. This can arise for a number of reasons, but remember that it’s never too late to reflect on your behaviors. If you find yourself wondering, Why do I need constant reassurance in my relationship? we have some answers for you.

  1. You were insecure as a teenager. I mean this is something of a self-explanatory statement, I know. You’d be hard-pressed to find a teenager in the world that wasn’t insecure about something. However, there’s something funny about the teenage mind that convinces us that we must be the most disgusting, strange thing ever to have existed. It’s obviously not true, but nothing makes you feel like the cruel exception to life’s glory like being a sweaty, spotty 15-year-old. Not that I speak from experience, of course. Either way, it instills in us the sense that we’re always behind everyone else or fighting against the curve. It makes us feel like we need to play catch up. This is why you will always find young 200-somethings rushing in and out of relationships because once we do get into a relationship, we find it hard to be alone after and don’t give ourselves time to work on ourselves in between. It’s natural and nearly universal, however. It’s worth considering adapting your behavior.
  2. You don’t feel like you have value. This is where the insecurity from the teenage years takes root. We all act differently when we feel like we are worthless. It drives us to do things that we would never expect. You come to expect that validation to come from other people and that’s not healthy. Your partner will be wonderful, but they should never be the sole person responsible for your happiness. It’s too much pressure, and receiving constant reassurance won’t help alleviate it.
  3. You thought you’d never have a partner. You begin to doubt why your partner is with you in some cases of extreme insecurity, leading you to need constant reassurance. This is upsetting on both parts, though, because although you are unhappy, you’re also implicitly doubting your partner. It isn’t right to tell your partner how they feel. It does them a disservice, and yet, nothing they say will make you feel better.
  4. You hold on too tight. Space is always a godsend in the case of relationships, but if you’re hanging too tight, it will make for a very claustrophobic relationship. This is particularly true if your partner needs this space. You need to give people a minute to themselves so that they can check in with themselves and friends. Otherwise, you will drive them to panic and emotional exhaustion.
  5. You’re scared of distance. As is the case with space, you need to learn to love distance in a relationship. As working adults, you’ll never be spending every hour together anyway. You need to fit each other into your routine. It’s an expression of love when you find time, rather than just an inevitability. You can be refreshed this way.
  6. You stop communicating your vulnerability. Over time, you will grow to repeat yourself and repeat yourself. Unless your partner is an absolute paragon of patience, this will begin to seed resentment. Everyone wants to support each other, but if there’s no sign of growth or progress, that’s difficult to stomach.
  7. There’s a lack of trust. This is one of the biggest reasons you need constant reassurance. You’re showing your partner that you don’t trust them. You’re asking them for validation, but are you really listening to them? If you were, you’d believe them. You must learn to relax with your partner and trust them. Otherwise, you’ll find it difficult to unwind and relax in your own space.
  8. Scared that things are going too well. Even if you aren’t in as extreme a situation as some of these examples, you might still feel like running when things get too good. That’s a natural instinct.

In conclusion, if you see yourself in some of these examples just be kind to yourself and think some things through. You’re not alone, so always reach out to someone you trust.

Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.