How many times have you been going out with a guy only to find out that half of what he’s told you about himself, his life, and his day-to-day activities is total BS? Studies suggest that men may lie twice as much as women. But what’s behind this shocking statistic and what does it mean for women who are in relationships with men? Here are the reasons that a man might opt for anything but the truth with the woman he’s dating.
- It’s easier. Telling the truth often leads to difficult conversations. If a guy admits to having close female friends or to cheating on a former partner, there will be tough questions. Sometimes, lying is the only way to keep things simple. He probably thinks that what you don’t know won’t hurt you, so why bother being transparent?
- To avoid looking shallow. No guy is going to say, “I’m looking for a no-strings-attached arrangement that works with my schedule.” It may be true, but it’s not exactly Prince Charming material. Most guys who are looking for something casual will exaggerate their intentions, suggesting that they are open to a serious relationship. This widens their list of potential partners, many of whom will be looking for a long-term commitment rather than a situationship.
- To keep their options open. It takes time for a couple to define the relationship. The gray area before this happens is rife with uncertainty, and some people see it as a great opportunity to explore their options while they still can. And while there is a tacit understanding that people can do whatever they want until exclusivity is established, few people are thrilled at the thought of their soon-to-be partner playing the field. Because of this, most guys will lie if the person they’re with asks if they’re seeing other people.
- Because they know you’d leave them if you knew the truth. Some lies are existentially necessary. The guy knows that the truth is so bad, it will be an instant dealbreaker. This is the worst type of lie because it is based on the knowledge that the relationship cannot exist unless one person does not know the truth. While one lie can be maintained indefinitely if necessary, anyone who is willing to deceive their partner about something fundamental will inevitably reveal their dishonesty in other ways.
- Because they always want to be the good guy. Some guys just can’t stand to be disliked. They’ve been validated their entire lives and the thought of anyone thinking negatively about them strikes the core of their existence. Any threat to their ego is untenable. If the truth makes them look bad in the eyes of a woman they’re trying to impress, they will lie to ensure that they leave a stellar impression. This is a textbook characteristic of a narcissist.
- To seem more compatible. We’ve all pretended to like a sport or a movie franchise just to seem compatible with the person we’re with. In most cases, this type of lie is indicative of low self-esteem rather than shameful behavior. It is also a type of lie that will either be discovered or become true (if you do your research and become well-versed in the topic you’ve pretended to be an expert on). Alternatively, the relationship may never progress far enough for it to be an issue. None of these outcomes are terrible, making this one of the least offensive types of lies.
- Because they don’t feel secure in your feelings for them. You are never responsible for being lied to. However, a man may lie to a person if he is unsure of how they will react. He may be so insecure about the other person’s feelings for him that he fears any admission of weakness will prompt the other person to leave them. A man may lie about debt, mental health, or living arrangements because he’s scared that it might ruin his chances at love.
- To impress you. Guys who are constantly trying to impress their dates rarely succeed. Constant references to expensive cars and six-figure salaries can ruin a first date, and yet, a lot of guys seem to think it’s their golden ticket to adoration and sexual gratification. It’s how they try to convince you that you are lucky to get a date with them, let alone a relationship. These lies are usually blatantly obvious, which begs the question: does bragging ever work?
- Because truth makes them vulnerable. We sadly live in a world where male emotion isn’t just ignored, it’s ridiculed. Men are told that feelings make them weak and showing them makes them unattractive. Because of this, a lot of guys will do whatever they have to do, including lie, to avoid being emotionally open. It is a form of self-protection which perpetuates toxic stereotypes of masculinity. As such, it is difficult to combat except through patience and leading by example.
- Because they can’t take responsibility for their actions. Some guys lie because they can’t accept that their actions hurt others. This is another example of narcissistic behavior. For example, a guy might lie about cheating because he believes he is entitled to sleep with whoever he wants and isn’t even open to discussing why he might be wrong. He believes that everything he does is justified and therefore, he doesn’t need to deal with the hassle of explaining himself.
