Why Do So Many Guys Disappear The Minute You Show Your Feelings?

Everything’s going incredibly well with the guy you’re dating and he’s showing you loads of interest, so you finally decide to put your “playing hard to get” game out to try and show him you’re actually really into him. Then BAM, the guy disappears like a bad magic trick, leaving you spinning with confusion. WTF is going on? Why did he disappear as soon as you revealed your true feelings?

  1. Your behavior changed. Before his behavior changed, yours was changing. You thought it was safe to go from “moderately interested” to “totally smitten and showing it,” but it might have been a bit of a shock for the guy to deal with. Oh well! He needs to grow up. He’s the one to blame for making you feel secure enough in the relationship to express yourself. Isn’t that kind of the point?
  2. You started to worry. A lot. It’s such a vulnerable position to be in when you show a guy that you really like him. Even if he’s clearly reciprocating the feeling, you fear that things will end or he’ll change his mind. With all that stress on your mind, you might not realize that you’re becoming a little too intense and taking things too seriously and he’s feeling it and wondering what the heck is going on.
  3. What he liked about you is gone. When you guys started dating, you were carefree and went with the flow. Your relationship was focused on fun. Of course, that can’t last forever, but now that things are becoming serious, he’s missing that type of woman you were in the beginning.
  4. He freaked out. When you express how you feel, stuff gets real really fast. There’s more at stake and it can make guys get scared. Wait, scared? Are you kidding me? Don’t buy the BS that a guy gets scared and leaves the woman he’s supposedly into because that’s not really what happened. He’s a grown man and if he can’t deal with things getting serious, what is he doing being your boyfriend?
  5. He was only after the chase. Some guys want the thrill of the chase without the seriousness of a relationship. So when you finally stop running and you let them have you, they don’t know what to do next. Clearly, he’s a player. Be thankful you got away before things went too far.
  6. His feelings weren’t real. Yeah, things felt real, but his feelings were not the real deal at all. Expressing how you feel about a guy is the true test for seeing where he’s really at. Guys can tell you loads of romantic things, but when you tell them how you feel about them, that’s when you get to see their real intentions. If he’s bolting from your life, he was clearly all talk.
  7. He’s not a commitment-phobe, he’s a commitment freak. You might think that the guy who disappears from your life is a commitment-phobe, but honestly, he’s not afraid of commitment —  he just doesn’t know how to deal with it. In other words, he needs to grow up. You don’t need a boyfriend in training, thank you very much. Next!
  8. He wanted to pull the plug for a while. The guy might have shown lots of interest in you, but perhaps underneath all of that, he had doubts. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue being in the relationship but he didn’t make a move to end things. When you plucked up the courage to tell him how you felt, he realized just how much was expected of him that he couldn’t deliver, so he pulled out.
  9. He came on really strong… and then tanked. If the guy was too romantic and showed way too much interest than felt normal in the beginning, that should have rung warning bells, not flattered you. There should really be a balanced approach when a guy’s pursuing you. Anything that’s too hot and heavy makes you wonder how he’ll maintain it — and if he’s gone AWOL, he’s proving that it’s impossible to do. Hello, relationship burnout.
  10. He’s insecure. Know the saying, “If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else”? It applies here. A guy might be able to tell you how he feels but then not be able to accept your love because of his own issues. What a load of crap. If he does have insecurities, he seriously needs to sort himself out on his own time.
  11. He had his eye elsewhere. He might have been interested in you and someone else, or perhaps even dating more than one person. It’s shady AF, but it could explain why he disappeared on you. When things got serious with you, it threw his delicate (and messed up) cheating balance out of whack, making him ditch you so he could focus on having a more casual setup with the other women on his list. It’s a load of BS. Say it with me: you don’t swim in the loserville dating pool.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.