Why Do So Many Guys Hate PDA? A Guy Shares the Truth

While it’s not quite a universal hate, it’s hard to find too many guys who truly love PDA. If I try, I suppose I can see its appeal from a woman’s perspective, but most of us just aren’t into it even if we are willing to go along with it for the sake of our significant others. Why is it that so many guys are reticent to hold your hand or give you a peck while you’re out and about? Allow me to explain.

  1. It’s not manly. It might be an outdated and chauvinistic point of view and point to toxic masculinity, but it still rings true sometimes. Holding hands, even with a pretty lady, doesn’t scream masculinity. Too many guys have been convinced that showing affection isn’t macho, which is why they hate it and avoid it at all costs.
  2. Our friends might see. A lot of guys have a different persona around their friends than around their girlfriends. On Seinfeld, they called it “Relationship George” and “Independent George.” Guys don’t always want their friends to see them being sensitive and affectionate. Frankly, they don’t always like seeing themselves in that light. I agree that this reasoning sounds stupid and ridiculous but that doesn’t make it any less true.
  3. We’re worried about what other people think. Engaging in PDA is a little like saying you don’t care what other people think. In a way, it can be a beautiful thing to be so proud to be with someone. However, some guys don’t agree with that sentiment and don’t want to make the general public uncomfortable. Obviously, holding hands is usually fine, but anything further can make him worry that there are people watching him, which will make him uncomfortable.
  4. Many of us were raised to hate it. We were all raised differently. If your guy didn’t receive a lot of affection growing up, he may not have developed a comfort level with PDA. In a way, he dislikes it because he’s never experienced it. There’s also the fact that some guys were simply raised to think that affection belongs behind closed doors and not out in the open.
  5. We hate the obligation. There are definitely times when a guy feels pressured or obligated to engage in PDA. That’s not exactly a good way to get a guy to enjoy it. It’s something that should be more spontaneous and happen naturally. If you push a guy too hard to engage in PDA, it can make him think he’s losing his control and power in the relationship. Needless to say, guys hate that.
  6. Some of us are introverts. Virtually every introverted guy will be vehemently against PDA. They’re uncomfortable expressing their feelings and they usually don’t like their personal space being invaded. They also don’t want to do anything that draws attention to them. While there are many reasons behind this feeling, you need to know what you’re getting into if you’re going to date one.
  7. It draws attention to you. Deep down, a lot of guys are possessive of their partners. Part of the reason they hate PDA is that it draws attention to you from strangers. Most guys hate the idea of strangers leering at their women. Even if other guys are jealous of him being affectionate with an attractive woman, most of us would rather not have the eyes of random dudes on his girlfriend.
  8. We want to save it for the bedroom. Most guys hate PDA because they would prefer to keep affectionate moments in the bedroom. Unless having sex in public places is a hobby of yours, being affectionate out in public isn’t going to lead anywhere. They’d rather keep those moments private because any sign of affection could lead to something more. Obviously, this is a selfish take on PDA, but it does explain why so many men dislike it.
  9. Maybe our feelings aren’t that strong. If you sense that a guy is strongly opposed to PDA, it’s possible that he doesn’t have strong feelings for you. To be fair, you shouldn’t jump to this conclusion. However, showing affection is super uncomfortable if you don’t have strong feelings toward the other person. It feels disingenuous, and most guys would prefer not to fake it. In other words, if the relationship is new and you’re not convinced of a guy’s feelings, he’s not going to be down for PDA.
  10. A lot of us are private people. Honestly, some guys are just private people who detest seeing or participating in PDA. These types of guys aren’t necessarily introverts. They just believe in there being a public-private divide in relationships. A lot of guys don’t like being out in large crowds and don’t post a lot on social media. It’s this same type of guy who doesn’t feel the need or have the desire to express his feelings publicly. He might have no problem telling you how much he cares when you’re alone. But if he’s a private person, he’ll absolutely hate engaging in PDA.
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.