Why Do So Many Guys Who Seem Great Turn Out To Be Losers?

It’d be nice to believe that some of the terrible guys we come across in dating started out as nice, normal guys before our dating culture turned them, but I’m just not sure that’s the case. It should be second nature to treat someone with respect and courtesy, especially if you’re trying to sleep with them, but that just doesn’t seem to be the case with a lot of the guys I’ve come across. I’ve tried figuring out what’s going on here, and here’s what I came up with:

  1. Newly single guys get caught in the cycle. There are a lot of guys who get out of a long-term relationship, get back out into the dating scene and are completely overwhelmed at how things have changed — especially if they were committed before the Tinder era. They see hundreds of beautiful women’s faces in such a short span that it’s hard not to feel like the world is their oyster. Even if they only match with 10% of them, it’s still a large number of options that they didn’t have before.
  2. Hooking up is simply a numbers game. Most guys know that for every 99 women say no to casual sex, one will say yes — and unfortunately for the rest of us, it’s that one woman who (unintentionally) screws it up for those of us looking for a little more (though that’s certainly not her fault). After developing a taste for NSA sex through online dating, many guys turn into addicts and can’t wait until their next fix. Gross.
  3. Some women use guys the same way they use women for sex. Ladies, I’m sorry to say it, but sometimes, some of us are the problem. So many nice guys have been chewed up, used and spit out by women who feel an entitlement to free meals, presents, etc. while they walk over the good guys they come across. Unfortunately, this just gives the guys license to treat us like crap in return. Of course, two rights don’t make a wrong, but jerks don’t care about “right.”
  4. They’re overwhelmed with options. Like I said, the number of options guys are presented is astounding and most guys don’t look at women’s profile the same way we look at men’s. Half of the time, they don’t even read your profile and yet, we read every word and analyze their pictures to see if their activities and lifestyles align with our own.
  5. Pickup artists and Tinder Kings have ruined it for us. Believe it or not, some guys do actually seek out advice on how to get dates and impress women. Unfortunately, a lot of male dating advice experts in our generation are promoting the act of impressing women just enough to sleep with us and be on their way. The book The Game literally teaches guys how to be “pick up artists” and sleep with as many women as possible. Meanwhile, many women are seeking out advice on how to be the type of woman a man can love. It’s completely twisted.
  6. When sex is obtained so easily, they have nothing to work for in love. Ladies, it’s partially our faults. I’m not saying you need to suppress your sexual nature, but if we want the dating world to change, we need to stop sleeping with guys before they’ve done anything real to earn it. Plus, a guy who will wait until you’re ready is a guy who’s worthy of you.
  7. There’s always a woman willing to give them what they want. Even the nicest guys out there have a backup plan if we don’t put out. Because hook-up culture is so ragingly popular, having friends with benefits and multiple late night options in a little black book is completely the norm now. A lot of guys don’t mean to get caught up in this cycle, but remember, some men are pretty simple minded and sex is the drug that basically turns their logic and decency into mush.
  8. They know they can get what they want without a lot of investment. It’s so easy for guys to have micro relationships with us. They have tons of options to jump to if one little thing goes haywire and they’ve mastered the art of ghosting on us to the point that we’re the psycho ones if we ever call them out for their BS. Ugh.
  9. We don’t make them work hard enough. We truly don’t date the way we used to, nor do we hold men to the high standards of decades ago. We accept guys texting us when they’re outside instead of coming to the door and we accept days gone by without an ounce of contact and justify that they were “just busy.” We need to start raising the bar and not accepting the bare minimum if we want these nice guys to stay nice guys- they’re a dying breed.
  10. They’ve been screwed over just the same way we have. Guys are just as jaded as we are when it comes to dating. I’ve talked to a lot of guys who have the same messed up horror stories that we do, so we can’t place all the blame entirely on them when it comes to trying to decipher why dating is so messed up. This dating culture actually makes it pretty easy for nice guys to turn into jerks. It’s that simple.