Why Do You Keep Attracting Guys That Are Wrong For You?

Do you ever get breakup déjà vu? You know, the feeling that you already dumped this guy about 1,000 times? Do you, or a friend, wonder why you keep attracting the same type of loser guy? It happens to a lot of women, but it’s not completely out of your control. If you’re confused about why you always end up dating the same mistake, check out these 9 possible reasons you’re always attracting Mr. Wrong:

  1. You’re a creature of habit. You go to the same bars with the same friends in the same towns. Of course you’ll keep meeting the same guy! You’ll have to mix it up a bit if you want to broaden your prospects and meet someone who’s different.
  2. You truly loved Mr. Wrong. You actually did love the original wrong man, deeply and passionately. The feelings were real, even if he wasn’t the guy for you. Meeting a similar man can stir up those feeling and trick your heart into thinking it’s interested. Finding someone comparable to your first love can be confusing emotionally, so aim for finding someone better, not similar.
  3. You struggle with believing you deserve better. Sometimes, if you’ve been beaten down by love, it can be easy to think you only deserve a crummy guy. It can feel like they’re the only ones who are interested. If that’s the case, take a break from dating. You need some time alone to work on loving yourself and realizing that you, and every woman, deserves a good relationship. In the meantime, you’re better off alone that with someone that’s wrong for you.
  4. You’d like another chance to make it work. Subconsciously, you keep dating the same guy because you want another shot at it working out. Break ups can feel like you failed at love, especially when there were a lot of feelings involved. Making it work with a similar jerk won’t right a wrong or fix a mistake, because you haven’t messed up. Not ending up with the wrong guy was the best thing that could have happened to you, and you shouldn’t have to go through several more worthless relationships to figure that out.
  5. You’re afraid of finding Mr. Right. Finding Mr. Right can be borderline terrifying. Once you find him, that’s it! You’re done dating, done dumping, done having crazy rampages while not caring who you hurt. It can be a lot of pressure to move forward with a guy that could be “the one”, so it’s easier to continue with the type you know will never pan out into anything real.
  6. You prefer the devil you know. You know all the flaws and games that go along with dating a jerk. You know it’s not a good game to play, but at least you know the rules. Branching out to other types of men is scary; you’ll be giving up a certain amount of control by breaking your pattern. You won’t always know what’s coming next and you won’t always have the upper hand. But by dating a good guy, you won’t need to. It won’t be a game to him and he won’t take advantage of you if you let your guard down.
  7. There’s a comfort in knowing your relationship is doomed. Part of you knows the relationship is doomed from the beginning, and that’s comforting. You know you have room to act out and make mistakes with minimal consequences, because even if he breaks things off, it was bound to happen anyway. There’s no pressure on you to be a perfect girlfriend because the relationship has an expiration date anyway.
  8. You know you’ll never have to be alone. Even the most fiercely independent women have their moments where they just don’t want to be alone. Mr. Wrongs are constantly filling up your inbox of every social media platform, so it can be easy to cave and let one into your life in a moment of weakness.
  9. You’re a relationship optimist. You chose to see the good in people. You meet someone new and immediately see their strengths, potential, and what they have to offer the world. You think he can be at his best with a good woman by his side. You often ignore early red flags and your friend’s opinions, because you believe everyone deserves a fair chance. Only after the break up do you think, “Dammit. I can’t believe I wasted my time and energy, AGAIN.”
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.