When I was in school, I had a lot of guy friends. Things seemed fine. I had boyfriends, they had girlfriends, and we all just got along. But as we got older, things started to get weird. I won’t bore you with the details, but one by one, they all hinted at wanting something more than friendship, and then one by one they all drifted away when I didn’t reciprocate those feelings.
Now, in my late 20s, I don’t have many close guy friends that aren’t either gay, or currently in long term, committed relationships. And you know what? I’m OK with that. I’m not saying that you can’t be friends with guys, and I’m not saying that all guys will be into their girl friends. What I am saying is that it’s hard to be just friends with your guy friends. Not impossible, just pretty hard. Why do they always seem to need more than just your friendship?
- Guys are way more likely to be attracted to their female friends. Well, there’s a science for everything these days! Research has shown that men are much more likely to be attracted to their female friends than women are to be attracted to their male friends. So if you think that he just doesn’t think of you that way, you’re probably wrong – at least according to statistics.
- The more he gets to know you, the more he’ll find you attractive. Even if you’re not initially their “type”, your guy friend will quickly start to see how funny and wonderful you are. This, on top of the comfortable close bond that the two of you’re forming together, is a recipe for attraction (and possibly, disaster!).
- Guys are ruled by their penises. Let’s face facts, guys love sex. They think about it all of them time. Probably while you’re around. And if you’re a female, and they’re thinking of sex, it’s inevitable that they’ll put 2 and 2 together, possibly without realizing that they’re doing it.
- It’s impossible to undo those thoughts. Once a thing is thought, it cannot be un-thought. Once he’s imagined you naked – once he’s seen you in that light – there’s no going back. The idea has rooted its way into his brain and will never leave.
- Guys like the unattainable. Nine times out of 10, once you get a boyfriend, your guy friend’s attraction level to you will skyrocket. He’ll think the boyfriend isn’t worthy of you and it’ll likely become some boring macho competition.
- Everyone always asks if you’re dating already. And for the woman who’s not interested, this is just a little bit of an annoyance. But to the person who wishes that you were dating, this is a constant reminder of his feelings for you.
- A hookup can ruin everything. You guys are drunk. He finally makes a move. You go along with it, curious where this could go. In the morning, you’re just not that into it, but he is. Going back to a platonic friendship will be next to impossible now.
- Rejection is hard at the best of times. Rejection is hard to take, and it’s even harder to deal with if you’re trying to be friends with him, too.
- It’s hard to have a half-friendship. Once you know your guy friend is into you, you have to watch what you say and do when you’re around them. This creates a distance between the two of you, and it’ll come to a point that either your friendship will fade, or he’ll address the issue head on (and possibly offer an ultimatum: boyfriend, or nothing).