Why Does He Lose Interest As Soon As You Show Yours?

This scenario is as common as it is confusing. You meet a guy and there’s this intense connection there. He shows interest in you and puts his energy into pursuing you, but just when you start to get really excited about him too, he pours cold water over everything. He pulls away, disappears, or even comes right out to say it’s not working out. Here are some reasons why guys lose interest as soon as you show yours.

  1. You get carried away too quickly. Sure, you can already imagine forever with him and you just want to fast forward to the moment when he’s all yours. But you can’t make it a goal that you spend every moment working towards because it keeps you from being present in the relationship and just connecting with him. He can sense that you’re in agenda mode because he can see how hard you’re trying to win and keep him. Let things happen naturally instead of plotting every step.
  2. You’re bending over backward to win his heart. When you do this, you end up looking desperate, like he’s your only shot at finding somebody to love you. It’s okay to want to do things to please him and show you care, but try to keep it in check. Healthy relationships are about both parties making an effort with each other. Instead of throwing everything you have at him, step back a little and let him put in a little work for you.
  3. He never really liked you in the first place. We sometimes confuse a little bit of attraction with genuine interest. It’s possible that he just doesn’t like you like that, which is why he stops showing interest when you show yours. He might like you enough to flirt, pursue you, and kindle a sexual relationship, but the suggestion of building something real will have him running for the hills. Don’t bother beating yourself up about it.
  4. You’re asking for more than he’s ready to give. A lot of the time, we make the mistake of getting ahead of ourselves. Since you’re ready to commit, you think the other person has to be too and you start to apply pressure. Maybe he’s not ready to step up all the way yet even though he’s really enjoying what you have going on. But you’re looking for reassurances and signs that he wants he you and you’re on the same page, and the weight of all that keeps his feelings from developing.
  5. He’s not down with your vibe. The reason he pulls away when you show interest might because of the vibe you’re giving off. Guys tend to fall in love because of the way they feel around you, so if your vibe is radiating pressure, stress, worry, insecurity, and obsession, he’s going to feel it too, and it will snuff the life out of the interest he had in you.
  6. You let him think he can get away with anything. The trick about love is that it pulls a thick blindfold over our eyes. The man you’re with becomes the most perfect man alive. In your eyes, he becomes smarter, funnier, and more handsome than he actually is. You even start feeling like you’re not worthy of all his amazingness, so you make some kind of deity of him. You shouldn’t ever make the mistake of letting a man feel he’s better than you because he isn’t. You’re his equal and you deserve to be appreciated too, so act like it.
  7. He loves the game more than winning it. Some men show interest and devote their time to chasing you because they enjoy the thrill of it. So when he realizes that his charms have worked and you like him too, his interest fizzles out. He feels like he’s won, so there’s no point wasting any more time playing the game with you when there’s a new and exciting challenge out there.
  8. Compatibility becomes an issue. In the beginning, it might seem like chemistry is enough to keep a relationship afloat, but as soon as we know that someone likes us, rational thinking takes over. The reason it seems like he’s losing interest may be because he’s finally thinking clearly about the situation and can see the ways that you might not be right for each other.
  9. He thinks there’s something wrong with you. We don’t like to admit it, but deep down, there’s a small part of us that feels we don’t quite deserve love. So when someone shows interest in us, we start to wonder what might be wrong with them. How flawed do they have to be to love someone like us? He might see your interest as a red flag so he starts to lose interest in you.
  10. He’s not emotionally available. Don’t take it personally. It’s possible that he keeps pulling away when you show interest because he has commitment or intimacy issues. He likes you for sure, but not enough to allow any greater feelings to grow. Thank your stars you dodged that bullet and wait for someone better to come along.
A girl preoccupied with living her best life even when it's uncomfortable to do so. She spends a lot of time with her thoughts. She hopes you enjoy reading the results of those thoughts.