Why Does He Reply To Your Text But Never Message You First?

There are many things in the dating game that can make you scratch your head and wonder what’s going on, like when a guy gives you mixed messages or asks you out but then goes AWOL. Or, when he replies to your messages promptly and seems to enjoy conversations with you but then never initiates contact. What’s going on? Here’s where he’s at, why he isn’t texting you first, and if you should give him more of your time.

  1. He doesn’t want to put in the effort. You’re the one doing all the work here and he’s totally fine with that. Wow, how convenient for him. You’re always the one texting him first and trying to get him to talk to you. You should see this as a sign of things to come if you had to date him. He would be a lazy boyfriend, forcing you to have to keep the relationship going.
  2. He’s not a big texter. While you should always be wary of guys who say they don’t like texting at all, he might not choose texting as his way of communicating with you. However, if this is the case then he should be clear about how he’d like to stay in touch with you so that he can make an effort and build a real connection.
  3. He’s being friendly. He might have amazing conversations with you, but are you sure there’s an underlying romantic feeling to them? He might just be casually chatting as friends, even if there are some flirtatious comments here or there. He could be slipping you into the friend zone, which is why he’s not putting in much effort.
  4. He’s keeping you as a backup. Since he’s not making an effort to text you first, this could be because he’s not invested in starting a relationship with you. But, he doesn’t want to let go of a chance with you completely, so he keeps you on the outskirts of his life in case he needs you, like if he feels bored or needs a plus-one to an event. It’s no wonder you feel so confused. The bottom line is that he’s not putting in enough effort to make you his girlfriend.
  5. He’s being polite. It’s not always easy to know if a guy’s really into you or just being nice. He might be a legit good guy who doesn’t want to reject anyone. This makes him chat to you when you get in touch, but he just doesn’t have the same level of interest as you do, which is why he doesn’t want to make any real moves with you. Check for other signs that he’s just being nice, such as if he never invites you out and he doesn’t share his inner world with you.
  6. He’s got other women on the line. He might already be dating someone, which is why he’s not initiating contact or taking things to the next level with you, or perhaps he’s got multiple women that he’s interested in getting to know. Since he’s got dating options, he’s not interested in committing to you or anyone else. He’s keeping things casual, but it might feel like he’s stringing you along, especially if he’s charming and flirtatious.
  7. He’s out of a traumatic relationship. He might not want to make big moves in his dating life if he’s just out of a difficult breakup that took a lot out of him. So, he might enjoy chatting to you and he might be attracted to but he’s just not in the frame of mind to start something new. It would be cool if he opened up about that instead of leaving you guessing, though, so you’d know to stop texting him and move on.
  8. He doesn’t know how to engage with you. Maybe he finds you intimidating or he’s just shy. While this shouldn’t stop him from getting in touch if he really likes you, it might take him longer to take an initiative with you. If it’s been weeks or even months and he’s still not making an effort to show you he likes you, the problem isn’t so much that he doesn’t know how to engage but that he’s not worth your time and energy.
  9. He’s drawing a mental blank. He might be holding back because he doesn’t really know what he wants from life and love right now. This is why he’s keeping an emotional distance from you, and could also be a sign that he’s giving you mixed messages. Don’t stick around because his confusion will end up dragging you into its messy spiral and make you feel crazy.
  10. You’re not giving him a chance. If you don’t give him a bit of space and time to miss you, he might just be replying to your texts because they’re coming through so many times during the day. You’re making things way too easy for the guy. The only way you’ll know for sure that he’s really into you and thinking of you is if you give him a chance to text you first. So, the next time you want to text him first, resist the temptation. Try it out and see what happens. If he wants you, he knows where to find you.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.