Why Don’t People Go On Actual Dates Anymore?

Why Don’t People Go On Actual Dates Anymore? ©iStock/Ales_Utovko

It’s so frustrating when a guy says he wants to meet for drinks or have “Netflix and chill” instead of go for dinner. Whatever happened to going on real dates and investing in a serious relationship?

  1. Dating’s no longer a big deal. It used to be, back when guys would plan dates and romance a woman. Men were chivalrous then. Now, you’re lucky if the guy wants to meet for a cup of coffee and actually sit and talk to you for half an hour. SMH.
  2. “Hanging out” has become dating. When a guy says you’re “hanging out,” it’s just a cowardly way of saying, “I don’t want to date.” So many guys want to keep things light, as though relationships are a virus that can kill them. Where’s the fun in hanging out, though? It becomes boring after a while.
  3. Booty calls are today’s dates. A guy who calls you over to his house isn’t looking for a date—he wants to have sex with you. Hookup culture is real and it’s frustrating AF.
  4. You’re dating in reverse. Instead of meeting, going for dinner, then getting to know each other and having sex, dating happens the other way around. People have sex, then see if they’re even bothered to get to know each other. It’s like no one wants to work towards anything real, for goodness’ sake.
  5. No one wants to invest. Everyone wants to “buy” the quick date and invest as little as possible into another person. So, instead of dinner or going to the movies, people want to move things along to sex. At least if the date fails, they get an orgasm out of the evening. Ugh, when did everyone become so cynical?
  6. Dating is seen as a waste of time. Dating can be really horrible at times, let’s be honest, but it’s sad that it’s seen as a waste of time. How is sleeping with someone not?! Sure, it might be quick gratification, but sex with someone you’re really into is so much better. You just have to put in a bit of work to get there.
  7. There are too many options. Thanks to social media and dating apps, there are loads of options out there. So a guy who meets five or six women online isn’t going to want to wine and dine them all. It’s impossible! He’ll have to do less to get more out of the deal.
  8. Many guys are lazy af. Guys have become super lazy about how much effort they put into a date. They’ll rock up to dates looking like they haven’t shaved or showered in days. Gross. It’s like they want to do as little as possible while still getting female attention. This is probably why it makes more sense for them just to hook up, instead of taking a date to a fancy restaurant.
  9. Everyone’s “connecting.” People spend so much time online, chatting to loads of different people, and they think they’re connecting. The truth is that no one’s really connecting. All that time spent online has made it harder to deal with people in real life, which is why so many people will suggest diluted dates instead of the real thing.
  10. Love gets twisted. Love and lust have become interchangeable. People overuse the word “love” and think that jumping into bed together is part of romance. One-night stands have become one-night-loves. It’s sad AF. No one wants to pace themselves and have something real.
  11. There’s too much bad dating out there. Putting yourself out there can be scary AF, especially when all the guys you’re dating are just looking for sex. A string of disappointing dates can make you want to stop giving so much or even trying. The result? No one’s actually making an effort anymore.
  12. Standards are disappearing. A study published by USA Today surveyed 2,647 people between the ages of 18 and 59 and found that 22 percent think that if someone asks them out, it’s automatically a date. See how little effort someone has to make? Gone are the days of real dating. A guy can invite you to take a walk across the parking lot and it’ll be seen as a date, and women might lower their standards and agree to this sh*t. Soon, guys get the idea that no one wants the real dates anyway. Ugh.
  13. No one knows what’s going on. The problem is, so many people are confused AF about whether or not they’re even dating. The above study also found that 69 percent of people surveyed are “somewhat confused” about whether an outing with someone is actually a date or not. The problem is no one’s defining the relationship or taking steps to make it real, so everyone’s in the dark.
  14. Dating is expensive. This is one of the most frustrating reasons people give for not dating. Oh please! Dating doesn’t have to be a wallet burner. There are many dates that can be special and romantic, without costing a lot of money. Anyone who uses this excuse is lying. They just don’t want to date.
  15. Commitment is boring. With so much hooking up happening all over town, it’s become boring to give that sex a miss in favor of a stable, committed relationship. It just sounds so boring, especially if people are after some quick satisfaction. The idea of committing to a relationship and being serious seems like it’s not going to be as fun. Plus, there’s always the risk of giving so much time and energy, only to get hurt.
  16. People are busy. Another excuse lots of people give for not going on real dates is that they’re too busy. That might be true, but then rather don’t date at all instead of putting such a measly effort into dating someone! Ugh. fBesides, no one can be so busy that they don’t have a chance to have dinner with someone they really like. The dating pool is filled with cowards!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.