Why Do I Feel Like I’m The Only One Out There Looking For Real Love?

If you’re into being vague about your feelings and entering into only super casual relationships, then modern dating is your BFF. If you’re not, it’s a whole different (and horrible) story. Here’s why dating is a total nightmare if you’re looking for something real:

  1. People are super flaky. It’s amazing how many people are using dating apps, making plans, then canceling them last-minute. Or they don’t bother to cancel at all… and they ignore your attempts to follow up so you figure you’re going to be stood up if you do actually show up at the bar. Dating is full of flakes and that can be really tough to deal with when you’re searching for your soulmate.
  2. You can’t read the guys you chat with. If you think that you can figure out from an online dating conversation whether a guy is looking for a relationship, let alone if he wants to meet you in person, then congrats. You’re the smartest person ever. Chances are, you’re spending most of your time trying to figure out if a super chatty guy is good (aka he wants to meet you IRL) or bad (aka he wants a pen pal). Your head hurts just thinking about it.
  3. You’re exhausted 24/7. Going on crappy first dates, talking to guys who you never end up meeting IRL, wondering if you’re being too picky or just realistic enough — all these things are enough to totally exhaust you on a regular basis. Dating is tiring AF and that’s something that never seems to change.
  4. You never meet guys who want an actual relationship. You tell yourself that you know the signs and symptoms of an almost boyfriend and yet still seem to find yourself in those sorta, kinda, not really relationships time and time again. You’re looking for something real, but the guys that you meet never seem to be, and while they think that they have legit reasons, you know it’s all BS.
  5. You wish you could skip the whole dating thing. You hate dating… and yet you want a boyfriend. It’s funny how that sometimes works out. You wish you could skip the whole concept of first dates and just enter a new relationship, but of course that’s not possible. And that means you have to go through the motions of trying to get to know new guys all the time. It’s definitely not even close to fun.
  6. You feel like everyone is playing the game but you. You’re not into playing dating games because you’re not in junior high anymore. You’re a grown-up (or at least you try your best to act like one) and you really just want to be straight-up and honest with the guys that you date. Unfortunately, not every guy wants to be that honest, and tons of guys string you along, only to claim that they never wanted to date you in the first place. Awesome.
  7. Commitment-phobia is a thing. It doesn’t make sense that so many guys are so scared of commitment. Why can’t they just take a deep breath and calm the hell down? It sucks when you’re dating and trying to look for something real because so many guys just aren’t. They pretty much want the opposite. You’re always being told that you’re great, they’re just not in the same place as you, they want to focus on work, or another equally lame excuse. Of course, the worst part is that when a new guy gives you the same old speech, you’ve already fallen for him.
  8. Things seem to always get worse. The sad truth about dating is that the moment you think that you have seen it all, you realize that, nope, you really haven’t seen anything yet. You can’t believe the things that guys have said to you both online and off. If you think about this too long, all your motivation to keep dating is totally and completely gone, and you’re in a totally negative spiral.
  9. You know what you deserve. The worst part about knowing your worth and being super confident? You know your worth and you’re super confident. That means that you know deep down that so many guys you meet just aren’t good enough for you. It’s awesome in the long run since you’re not wasting your time with jerks, but it can be seriously annoying in the short term. Being so secure can make dating 1000 times worse since you know these guys shouldn’t be treating you this way.
  10. You want to give up every day. You have moments when you really want to give up the search for love. You get ghosted and you explain to the 100th guy that you don’t do casual. You go on creepy first dates and you have the most boring evenings you can possibly imagine. And you experience everything in between. Your brain hurts, you don’t know how you can possibly keep going, and your optimism is seriously at risk. If you want something real, dating is nothing but a nightmare.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.