Sure, you can say you don’t care how good looking a guy is, but on some level, you know you’re lying. Looks do matter, even if not majorly. The question is, do they matter enough to keep you from dating a guy you’re not immediately attracted to or can your feelings develop despite that?
Think about why you’re dating to begin with. There’s a difference between dating someone who’s not your ideal “type” and dating someone you’re settling for. Are you desperate for a relationship? Sick to death of being single and just want someone to cuddle with? Then maybe that’s why you’re not attracted to this dude. You know deep down you’re settling and your gut is trying to warn you.
Having things in common can go a long way. It takes a while to figure out if you’re attracted to someone. You have to spend time with them in order to discover if you have similar interests. Once you know your values line up, you’ll know if you’re attracted or not. After all, you could have off-the-charts sexual chemistry but then be polar opposites in every other area. That wouldn’t work either.
Attraction isn’t necessarily all visual. There’s more to attraction than looks, but you already know that. There’s an emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, and romantic attraction. He might not be Chris Hemsworth, but is he smart? Does he make you happy? Sounds like he’s attractive. Widen your scope of what makes someone “hot” and you might be pleasantly surprised.
Maybe it’s time to get over your “type.” Dating someone you don’t find attractive might help you. It’ll force you to stop looking at guys so harshly and maybe even prove that attraction grows over time. Don’t date a guy you hate, but don’t ignore a guy who’s decent looking with an amazing personality.
Being good in bed is a definite plus. Hot people are good in bed and ugly people aren’t, right? No. Ignore the media! So what if he’s not drop dead gorgeous? That doesn’t mean he can’t please you in the bedroom. In fact, it could mean the exact opposite. He might try harder to make up for what he’s lacking in the conventional attraction department.
What everyone else thinks shouldn’t matter. Are you really not attracted to him or are you worried about what your friends might think of him? Sometimes we confuse our opinions with others’ but you can’t do that here. If you want to be with him, it doesn’t matter how attractive your friends find him. All that matters is how you feel.
If there’s something deeper going on, it’s worth paying attention to. If looking at him makes you throw up, then yeah, the relationship isn’t going to work. However, you might want to take a good look at yourself. If you think he’s borderline disgusting, consider why. Is he cruel? Is his hygiene questionable? Chances are, you’re unattracted to him because of his personality, and that’s totally legit.
Attraction can grow over time. How many times have you met someone you didn’t think was attractive and then the more you got to know them, the more beautiful/handsome they became? That’s what happens! The more you get to know someone, the better they start to look. Just because you’re not wanting to jump this dude’s bones on day one doesn’t mean you won’t grow to find him sexy.
You might need to adjust your expectations to more realistic levels. You can’t expect every guy to look like an Instagram model. I’m not saying you have to lower your standards but you might need to adjust them. He doesn’t check every box off your list, but what about his smile? Is his laugh contagious? Those are characteristics that make a person attractive. If he has them, you should take notice.
Maybe it’s just your personal preference. If you’ve spent time with him and you’re still not attracted, it’s probably you. You’re not interested in him. His face and his personality do absolutely nothing for you. In that case, it doesn’t matter how gorgeous he is. The relationship won’t work! Know better than to waste your time or his and move on.
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