Why Guys Go Hot And Cold Instead Of Being Consistent With Their Feelings

Don’t you just love when you’re really hitting it off with a guy — maybe you spent hours talking on the phone or felt the mutual chemistry on a fun date — only for him to go M.I.A. for the next 72 hours? Maybe the first time this happens you brush it off as a timing conflict, but the second time around you’re left asking yourself what gives. If you feel like the connection is strong but not sure why it’s choppy, here are 8 scenarios that could explain what’s going on with him.

  1. He’s just not that into you. I know you’ve heard this phrase before and it’s starting to become a played-out eye roll, but unfortunately, a lot of times it’s true. If a guy is really smitten by you, he’s going to want to talk to you. He could be communicating in and out because he knows you are available when it’s convenient for him, and maybe he does like some things about you, but he’s not necessarily captivated by you or making a concerted effort to be with you. It’s not worth trying to convince someone of your worth, so just move on and leave him to figure out what he wants on his own.
  2. He wants sex. He could be getting figuratively hot because he’s physically hot…for you…in his bed. The times you don’t hear from him he’s out living his best life and going about his day-to-day existence. Whenever the “mood” strikes and biology calls, he’s there calling you. Booty-calling you, that is. And of course, if you ask, he’ll deny that so he can trick you into being down for the action on his time. If this isn’t the type of set up you’re looking for, walk away.
  3. It’s a habit. Some people just really suck at being responsive. He could be a lazy texter or a free-spirited introvert and not really think anything of being in and out of your daily life. To him, that’s the normal, or at least comfortable, way of interacting with others. And when he does crawl out of his cave, you’re the first one on his mind, so in his book, everything is all good between you two. He could be catching up on some reading or playing video games without a care in the world. Meanwhile, you’re over there obsessing over what he possibly could be doing and when you’re going to hear from him next.
  4. He’s not used to being held accountable. He may not have had relationships where people expected much of him. You could be more mature and a generally better communicator who thrives off consistency. Meanwhile, he’s just gotten away with being himself and hasn’t had to step up and put work into being with someone. I’m not saying there’s no hope here, but if he doesn’t want to lose you, he may need a wake-up call about how to act.
  5. He’s playing games. This behavior is a potential telltale sign of a f***boy. This kind of guy knows exactly what he’s doing, and he enjoys it. He likes seeing you squirm as you guess what his feelings are and become desperate for his attention. You may start wondering what you’re doing wrong and trying harder to get him to like you, which only flatters his likely already overinflated ego. He doesn’t really care about seeing you hurt and is fueled by any emotions you display- positive or negative. This guy is shallow and not worth your time.
  6. He’s not sure what he wants. Which really just translates to he doesn’t want you. If he did, he’d know. If a guy ever seems confused just accept it as a sign of disinterest and make the decision for him. Worst case scenario the uncertainty was legitimate and missing you in your absence motivates him to step it up and do better.
  7. He’s talking to/seeing other women. You might be dating him, but’s he’s just dating. And by dating, I mean casually seeing multiple people and not specifically courting you. On the days you don’t hear from him, he’s likely out with someone else or getting to know them better. He may just be swiping right on multiple women and juggling a whole team of female contacts. This doesn’t mean you’re not appealing; he’s just not trying to settle down or you may not be what he’s truly looking for.
  8. He’s trying too hard. This guy may actually like you, but he’s unsure of himself. He doesn’t want to come off as clingy and desperate, so he’s timing his responses to maintain an illusion of “cool.” He may have read some dating tips and heard about the “three-day rule,” so he’s trying to play by the books. It may be reassuring for him to know you’re okay with hearing from him sooner if you initiate contact.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer