Why Guys Pull Away As Soon As You Let Them In

There you were, playing a bit hard to get when you saw that this guy really has feelings for you. You realized you could lose him with the childish games so you let your guard down, only to find that he’s totally pulling away. What gives? Here are 10 possible reasons why he’s running in the opposite direction instead of running towards you with open arms.

  1. He’s scared. Ugh, aren’t you tired of guys using this as an excuse? Maybe it’s not. Maybe he was confident when things were more casual but now a serious relationship is giving him a case of cold feet. Maybe he fears losing everything he has going with you if the relationship enters more serious ground. Of course, he’s sabotaging his own happiness, but clearly the guy’s got some issues he has to deal with.
  2. He’s allergic to commitment. He might show you other signs that he’s not into commitment, like if he can’t even commit to being a good friend to his buddies, and that should be a red flag. He’s just not keen on things like love and taking the next step in a relationship.
  3. He doesn’t want to lose out on his options. He liked casually dating you because it meant he could keep his other options open. Ugh. While that can make you want to delete his number, it could be a reason for why he’s suddenly acting like he’s about to do a runner on you. Okay, now go ahead and delete his digits!
  4. He’s playing hard to get. Maybe he’s the one who’s now backing away because he’s playing a game. He feels like he’s done enough to show you he likes you so now you can show him that you want to be with him. Enough with the childish games!
  5. He’s actually not that interested in you. This is probably one of the hardest reasons to swallow, but it could be true. If the guy has pulled away from you and emotionally he might as well be on another continent, chances are he’s not that interested in having a serious relationship with you. Would be awesome if he could just have told you, right?
  6. He’s caught in the ex trap. Maybe he mentioned his ex a few times and you could see he was still pretty torn up about their breakup. That was a massive warning sign that he wasn’t ready to get into anything new. He might’ve seemed to be done with the past, but now that things are becoming serious, he’s realizing he’s just not ready to block his ex out of his mind.
  7. He thinks you’ve changed. While this might sound strange or like he’s trying to turn the situation onto you, maybe you did change a little. Maybe when you realized just how much you felt for this guy, it made you less carefree and fun to be around and a little more serious or anxious. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it could make him wish you’d be that fun-loving and mellow person again.
  8. It’s been too easy for him. Maybe you never really gave him much of a challenge. You made it clear from the start that you were a little interested, but now that you’re giving him full-blown signals that you like him, he’s changed his mind because he was after a bit more of a challenge. He might’ve been put off by how you were always so available to him. Of course, he doesn’t realize what he’s missing but he will and by then it’ll be too late. Cheers, dude.
  9. You’re in a relationship rut. It could be that your relationship has started to become serious or you’re both in a bit of a rut because you realized that you were both interested and now that initial electric charge has dulled. Ugh. However, that’s no reason for a decent guy to want to bail on you, so don’t think that there’s something wrong with you because there isn’t.
  10. He’s all about the chase. Linked to the above point, a guy who’s suddenly fading you out could find relationships super-boring. He hates the certainty and security of them because he’s addicted to the chase. That’s when he’s all about the grand gestures and excitement, and that’s the phase that he wishes could last forever.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.