Have you been having trouble with guys recently? Sometimes when it seems like you have bad luck, it’s important to evaluate the vibe you’ve been putting out. Self-awareness is one of the most important things to bring to any relationship, so it may be time to sit down and reflect on the past. What went wrong? Why are guys running away from you?
Rethink your topics of discussion.
Remember the Saturday Night Live sketch “Debbie Downer”? It’s a classic for a reason (and, not just because the cast couldn’t stop laughing when they performed it live.) There’s always someone in the group who tries to squash the positivity. Yes, this period of time we’re currently in has been hard for a lot of us. But, making it the key focus of the conversation on a date may be a little heavy for the guy you’re with. Don’t be Debbie. It’s okay to be real and honest in how you speak, but make sure your topics contain a little bit of joy.
Keep an eye on personal space.
It’s okay to be close and huggy, but not when it crosses someone else’s boundaries. When you’re on a date with a guy, you shouldn’t assume that he wants you to be all over him right from the start. Try to figure out what’s comfortable to them, and proceed with caution. If a guy initially keeps his distance, it’s not necessarily because he doesn’t like you. He’s just getting to know you like you are with him.
Make sure you don’t talk about your ex.
When guys hear someone talk often about their ex, one thing comes to mind — “they’re not over them yet.” It’s okay to briefly say your last relationship was a few months ago, or say something like “we had different life goals, so we split.” But if you find yourself using your date as an unlicensed counselor — or openly comparing the two — this guy is going to flee before you can plan a second date.
Double-check your hygiene.
This is a very sensitive topic but an important one. Sometimes, there can be issues without you realizing it. Bad breath may not be due to lack of brushing, but tonsil stones. Maybe your deodorant just isn’t as powerful as you thought it was. You can always honestly ask a friend or family member if there’s an underlying issue, or maybe it’s time to change up some products. It happens to more people than you think, so don’t stress about it if your friends admit there’s a lingering issue.
Try not to focus on money.
Money is a big topic when you and your boyfriend are thinking about getting married or making a huge purchase together. But, it’s not a great topic for your first or second date. Relationships shouldn’t be about money — they should be about finding someone you enjoy spending time with who makes you feel like a better version of yourself. If you’re asking your date how much they make or questioning what they’re ordering during a meal and trying to figure out their yearly wage by their selection, you’re in this for the wrong reason. It can be a huge turnoff for guys since nobody wants to feel like they’re nothing more than an open wallet.
You might be too self-centered.
This is another phrase you might not want to hear, but if you’re really trying to solve an issue regarding your dates running away from you, it’s important to explore all options and come to terms with what may be happening. You should never dominate a full conversation and you should always try to work with what your date is telling you. For example, if he said something like, “I work in a tech job,” your follow-up should be to ask more. How long has he been in the field? What does he like most about it? What got him interested in it? If you notice yourself saying something like, “I could never do tech” or “I always happen to date tech guys,” that’s taking the conversation and making it about you. Try not to do that.
Your “quirkiness” may be coming off as problematic.
Being different is wonderful. If it weren’t for different and interesting people, the world would be a better place. But if you’re aiming for a quirky personality, it’s all just a big act. Try being yourself. Don’t try to morph into what you think guys may like. If you’re still living with your parents yet have dreams of getting your own place someday, own it. Drop out of college? That’s fine. Be honest about it, and explain why. Guys appreciate honesty over a performance. Be open about who you are, and what you hope to get out of the relationship.
You might not be the most punctual.
Being on time is important for an adult. When you’re on time for something, it’s proof you take it seriously. If you’ve been dating someone and have consistently been late, it makes sense why a guy might ghost. It makes it look like they’re not a priority. Plus, being late without sending a warning text is a little rude. Nobody wants to question whether or not they’ve been stood up. Being more punctual is a skill that’s easy to learn. You just need to be realistic about the exact amount of time it takes you to get ready and get out the door.
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