Here’s Why You Haven’t Found “The One” Yet

The world is consumed by the idea that you’re incomplete without a partner. Back up just enough to see the big picture and you’ll see through the lie.

There’s no set timeframe for finding your soulmate. Some people find their soulmate as children while others discover the loves of their lives much much later. It’s alarming how many women in their twenties are lamenting the fact that they haven’t found “The One” yet. Don’t be in such a rush! Rather than cry over how lonely you are or how badly you want a lover, refocus your energy.

What do you have to offer a partner? Consider what you want in a partner and what you have to offer them in return. You’re not ready for a relationship if you don’t have your life in order first. Why do you deserve a partner who has their dream job, a house, and a nice car when you don’t even know what you want to do? A good relationship is balanced, so if you can’t bring anything to the table, no one will offer to eat with you.

The old saying is true—you really do need to love yourself first. When you look in the mirror, are you happy with your reflection? This isn’t a question of whether you find yourself physically attractive, it’s about whether you think the person in the mirror is capable of being loved. Do you like where you are in your life? If you were on the outside looking in, would you want to be with yourself or would you see a hot mess? Knowing you have space to grow is the first step to improving your life. After all, how can you expect others to love you if you can’t love yourself?

It’s important to start small. You don’t need to have all the answers to be ready for Mr. or Ms. Right. Have a few goals and a plan to meet them. What do you want your career to be? Where do you want to go in life? Do you need to go to a college or technical school to achieve your dreams? Where do you want to go? Which program is the best and what’s your plan to afford the courses? Thinking “I’ll just go to school” is simple, but ironing out the details can be tough. Start with a broad idea like, “I want to be a chef” and figure out the details from there.

It’s cool to date while you’re working on yourself, but don’t make it a priority. No one said you have to be all work and no play. Making time for dates is an important aspect of any single person’s lifestyle, but the key here is to remember your dreams. Don’t lose sight of your goals over a handsome face or a pretty smile. Romantic relationships can sometimes change our priorities but it’s important to stay the course. If a temporary relationship doesn’t work out (or even if it does!), you’ll still need a life plan. Don’t mess things up for yourself and always make time to do what you need to do.

Don’t expect immediate results. So you started doing you and now you’ve got a whole life plan. You’re ready for Mr. or Mrs. Right now, right? Wrong. All you’re ready for is the initiation of your plan. Love always pops up at unexpected times, so don’t expect to start working on yourself and suddenly have the right person magically appear. “The One” isn’t going to make an appearance until things have aligned in your life. Have patience.

Build strong friendships before you try to build romantic relationships. Ever hear the saying “bros before hoes” or “chicks before d*cks”? These sayings are telling you to focus on your friendships because romantic relationships come and go but a solid friendship is forever. Your friends were around before your latest fling showed up and they’ll be around long after your latest conquest is gone. No matter who you meet, always remember to prioritize your friends. They’re the ones who will stay by your side no matter what. You owe them your loyalty and friendship.

There’s always room for improvement. It doesn’t matter how old we get—there’s always room to mature. Getting older physically doesn’t mean you’re any older mentally. Learning to recognize your flaws can help you understand how to change, and honestly, that’s half the battle. Would you want to date someone as negative as you are? What about someone who is as bad with money as you are? Learn to recognize your flaws and be open to changing for the better. You’ll be happier as a person, your friends and family will respect you more, and you’ll have something positive to offer your future partner.

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