Why He’s Not Responding To You Even Though He’s Online

Is there anything worse than seeing that the guy you’re been dating is online but he refuses to answer your message? It’s infuriating, I know, but it doesn’t always mean that he’s up to no good. Here are 10 reasons why he could be holding back on a response even though he’s online.

  1. He said what he has to say. Maybe you chatted earlier and ended the conversation a good note. Now you’re both back online, but that doesn’t mean he wants to start up a new conversation. It might actually feel awkward, sort of like bumping into someone in public after you just spent time together at a party. Now he has to come back and continue the chat, and it just seems odd so he’d rather not do it until he actually has something new and interesting to say.
  2. He’s having an important chat. It’s obviously not with you, but that doesn’t mean he’s firing up some other woman’s inbox, so chill. He could be talking to his friend or mother, you never know. It might even be a really important conversation that he can’t end abruptly in order to message you back.
  3. He’s actually not at his computer. Yeah, he’s online, but he could’ve left his social media timelines open and be doing something else, like chatting on the phone or eating in the kitchen while hanging out with his roommate.
  4. He’s avoiding you. I said earlier that when he’s avoiding you, it might not be that he’s actually trying to. But look, he might be. Maybe he doesn’t want to answer you and it feels like the pressure’s on because you’re now also online, so he’s just going to play dead. While you shouldn’t jump to this conclusion if he’s online but not replying to you once in a while, if it’s happening regularly then it is something that could be at play.
  5. He doesn’t want to answer your question. If you sent him a question that you were hoping he’d answer, the fact that he’s not talking to you could mean he wants to avoid it, at least for now.
  6. He’s not sure how to respond. That’s another possible reason why he won’t answer the question you’ve said in your message, like, “Do you want to do something this weekend?” However, it could just be that he has to first check that he already didn’t have other obligations.
  7. He wants to make you more interested. He might be ignoring you online because he wants to play a bit hard to get. He thinks that by avoiding you instead of always being available to you, he’ll make you want him more. Ugh. The sad thing is that sometimes, despite our best efforts to the contrary, this actually works.
  8. He doesn’t want to seem too eager. On the other hand, he might be worried that he’s come across as too needy or eager and he doesn’t want to give you that impression, especially if he’s just met you. While we always assume guys are cool and confident, sometimes they’re also nervous about how to proceed with dating. So, he’s taking a bit of a virtual step back and trying to pace himself.
  9. He’s not in a rush. If you haven’t asked him a direct question, then maybe he figures it’s no big deal to take his time to get back to you. He might be tired and figure he’ll just chat to you tomorrow or something. Sure, it would be nice if he just said that, but he might feel like THAT would be rude so he’d rather just float around online like a ghost and not actually respond right now.
  10. He thinks you’re desperate and he wants some space. This is a nasty one, but it could be what’s going on, especially if it’s been days, he’s a social media addict, and yet he’s still not answering you. He might think that you’re coming on a bit too strong and pushing him into a corner with your messages, so he’s backing away. Fine, that’s great, but it would be so much better if he just, like, communicated about what he wanted! You know what? Log off and go do something better than waiting around for him to man up.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.