So much of dating culture has its roots in a past where men were hunters and women were prey. For all our talk about feminism and progression, far too many women are afraid to flip the script. I am not one of those women. I not only ask men out, but I also love doing it. Here’s why.
- It puts me in control. How many nights have you stayed out later than you planned, waiting for a guy to approach you? You spend hours getting ready, then put all your hopes into “attracting” the right guy. I don’t deal with that. When I see a guy I like, I wait for the right time and approach him. It’s that simple. Depending on his answer, I stay or call it a night. It’s a great timesaver.
- It’s a confidence builder. Walking up to perfect strangers over and over again, helps you to learn to connect with people easily. The rejection you will inevitably get also enables you to build a thick skin. Making the first move will give you the confidence not only to go after what you want in your relationships but in your career as well. Confidence is a currency you can take with you wherever you go.
- It helps me pick guys that are my type. We’ve all been through this. You walk into a club and the wrong kind of guy approaches you. Perhaps you like skinny guys or the quiet types, and here comes the total opposite of what you like asking you out. Now you’re in an awkward position, turning down man after man. I prefer to cut out all the awkwardness. By asking guys out, I make sure that I put myself in the best position to have a potential relationship. I know what I like, and that’s why approach.
- It sets the tone for my relationships. Two of my longest-lasting relationships came from situations where I made the first move. I think that a considerable part of this has to do with the fact that both my exes knew right from the beginning that I am an alpha woman which, by the way, is a total positive. The very act of asking them out told him that I was a progressive, go-getter. I think it’s important to set the tone for relationships right from the beginning. Playing coy or trying to catch a man’s attention doesn’t always help with that.
- It’s given me a lot of male friends. Men and women live in a world where we only expected to interact romantically. Some of the men that I approached turned me down, kindly I must add, but they became friends. Contrary to popular belief, men and women can become real friends, especially in a situation where a guy was never interested in you, to begin with.
- It’s helped me to teach men how to approach women. Men and women can never walk in each other’s shoes, but asking a guy out puts him in a position where he’s the vulnerable one. I’ve had one of my guy friends tell me that the way I approached him, and the fear he felt about turning me down and not knowing how to respond to my approach, helped him learn how to approach women. When I approach a guy, I make sure that he’s close to someone else. I don’t like to corner people. Also, I’m never aggressive. I communicate what I want but I’m not pushy. I think that leading by example is an excellent way for men to stop fearing approaching women, especially in this #metoo culture.
- It’s helped me to act as a matchmaker for my friends. I’m not a selfish person, nor do I think that I am everyone’s cup of tea. A few interesting conversations with guys about why they weren’t interested helped me to fix them up with some of my friends. One of those matchmaking sessions has led to a long-lasting relationship. We ladies have to learn to be better wing women for each other!
- It helps me to date progressive men. The word feminist is thrown a lot around by men who both understand and fail to understand its meaning. I’ve had guys call themselves feminist and in the next sentence talk about how they could never date a woman that made more money than them. Whenever I approach a guy, and he responds positively, that tells me that this is a man who is open to discarding traditional gender roles. That is so encouraging for me.
- It has helped me to understand men better. It seems to me that so much about masculinity is based around putting on a mask. Making the first move catches most men off guard, and puts them in a position where their walls are down. I don’t know about you, but I prefer getting to know the real version of a guy right off the bat. I’ve got to admit that putting a man in an unfamiliar position, has helped me see different sides of them, and that in and of itself has been a great teacher.
