Emotionally unavailable guys somehow have a grip on you but you don’t know why, especially since they give you nothing in return. Sure, you know better. You know that you deserve someone who can communicate well and open themselves up to you, but something keeps pulling you back in. See why this happens and how you can move on to the next phase in your life. But first, let’s talk about what classifies a guy as emotionally unavailable and the red flags you should look out for.
Signs a Guy Is Emotionally Unavailable
- You can never have a deep conversation. In this relationship, things are good when it’s only surface-level flirting and fooling around, but when it comes time for serious conversations, your guy just can’t seem to keep up his end. He’ll try to change the subject or his behavior will change. He might even pull himself away entirely until the situation blows over.
- He ghosts you. A guy who’s interested in you will keep in constant communication. It’s normal for you to be talking to someone and they disappear for two or three days like nothing has happened. It’s also not normal to make plans that always get bailed on.
- You don’t know where you stand in the relationship. Defining the relationship is an important milestone. It eliminates the need to guess and ensures both parties are on the same page. Where the relationship isn’t defined, it may seem like one person isn’t ready for commitment or values the relationship.
- The communication is poor. If you can’t tell whether he’s happy or sad, satisfied or dissatisfied, or generally how he feels about something, this is a sign that there’s poor communication in the relationship. A guy who isn’t able to convey emotions is considered emotionally unavailable.
Why You Can’t Ignore Him
You might tell him off today, but by next week, you’re somehow in arms again. Why does this happen?
- You love the chase. Perhaps you love the fact that he’s hard to get. Maybe you just like what you can’t have and you love the thrill of dating. Have you ever considered that you go for this type of guy because you yourself aren’t ready to commit to a relationship?
- You think you can fix him. Maybe we’re delusional, but most likely it’s our maternal instinct and need to fix things. Many women stay in unhealthy and toxic situationships because they think they can change the guy. They think that all their work and suffering will pay off in the long run and that one day, the guy will wake up and finally realize how much he loves and appreciates them. The truth is, you can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to change and you might waste precious years of your life on the wrong guy.
- He still has access to you. Being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean the guy doesn’t like you. He just isn’t emotionally mature enough to communicate his feelings whether positive or negative. If he likes you or at least likes having you around, he’ll likely pursue you if he still has access to you. So, even though you might decline his texts and calls, the fact that he isn’t blocked will motivate him to continue pursuing you and you might end up caving again.
- You’re in the loop of wishful thinking. You love every single thing about this guy. Sure, he may be hot, financially stable, has everything going for him, but there’s this one thing that is standing in the way. Perhaps you can’t ignore him simply because you hope things will one day change.
How to Overcome This Feeling
Ignoring him is tough. We’ve established that. So here’s what you can do to strengthen your defenses and hopefully get over this guy.
- Weigh the pros and cons. We’re not telling you to just throw away everything. We don’t know what you’ve built, what compromises were made, and your situation. So, weigh your pros and cons very carefully. Think very carefully about all the things that you love about him, but also examine closely all the bad things including how your relationship would fare in the future given the emotional unavailability.
- Block and delete him off everything. If you’ve concluded that the relationship will not work, block and delete that guy off everything. He shouldn’t have that same kind of access to you as before. Don’t allow him to manipulate you or reel you back in.
- Face the reality. Understand that in life, sometimes things don’t work out and that’s fine. Use this time to focus on yourself and improve yourself for the next chapter of your life. Romance will come, till then, practice self-love.
