Why I’ll Never Date Someone Just Like Me Again

You probably shouldn’t date your polar opposite, but that also doesn’t mean you should date a carbon copy of yourself. Sure, I want to have things in common with my boyfriend (otherwise, why would we be together in the first place?), but there has to be a balance or the relationship is doomed to fail. Believe me, I’ve been there, done that. Here’s why I’ll never date someone just like me again:

  1. We’d always want to be alone – separately. Alone time together sounds romantic. I’m one of those who needs time to herself, even in a relationship. Problem is, so did he. We spent so much of our time apart that at times people actually thought we’d broken up.
  2. I can barely handle my own mood swings. I’ll be the first to admit that my moods swing harder than a professional baseball player. I don’t why I thought I’d date someone like me and everything would be fine. No, his moods were just as volatile and it just made mine even worse.
  3. We’d never compromise on anything. I tend to be a little on the stubborn side. I don’t mind compromising, but our compromises turned into stand-offs. We kept refusing to compromise on the same things. We did get great at yelling matches, though.
  4. I’d like to try something new. At first, sharing the same interests is a good thing. I honestly believe every couple needs a few shared interests, but’s the different interests that keep the passion alive in a relationship. We never tried anything new or learned anything from each other except how horrible we were.
  5. Two perfectionists don’t make for perfection. I’m starting to see why I’m so hard to date. I’ve always had problems being a perfectionist. Two perfectionists together is like setting off a nuclear bomb every few days. We were always judging and nothing was ever good enough. It was more than a little annoying.
  6. We’d never talk, at least about important things. Being so much alike, we just figured we already knew how the other felt. Big mistake. In our supposed comfort at knowing each other so well, we skipped all the important conversations. Those later turned into fights that helped tear us apart.
  7. I’d hate to lose all my friends. I was thrilled that he got along with my friends so well and vice versa. The problem was, when we broke up, I actually lost some of my friends to him. I ended up with a few of his. I still miss the ones that sided with him and I don’t want to end up losing more.
  8. Yes, you can have too much sarcasm. We all need sarcastic people in our lives, but too much sarcasm just makes everyone bitchy. We’d start with sarcasm and that would turn into biting remarks, glaring at each other and then sleeping separately. By the end, even our friends were telling us to ease up.
  9. I don’t want to see myself that clearly. I know I have issues. Imagine being able to see all your internal flaws the same way you would your own face in a mirror. Not too pretty, is it? I got to see the male version of myself and I felt pretty crappy about who I was for a while. I don’t want to do that again.
  10. I don’t need double my own faults. Speaking of faults, a relationship that doubles all the problems you already have, isn’t a good one. Besides, a partner should help you become a better you. All we did was make each other’s issues worse.
  11. I like being a mystery. I hated that he knew me so well. At first, that seemed like a great thing, but it quickly became annoying AF. It’s nice to have a little mystery to your personality. I like being able to surprise someone or hide my emotions sometimes.
  12. A fight never ends. I dreaded fights. Once one started, it’s like it never stopped. We were both too stubborn to apologize. We’d just sleep it off, but the moment a new fight started, we’d drag all the old ones into it. I’ve never had that problem dating opposites.
  13. Can we say “boring”? It’s not as sweet and romantic as it might sound. The most exciting part was the fighting. Think of it as being stuck in the biggest rut of your life. We were so similar that we didn’t ever try to spice things up in any part of our relationship. It was the same routine every day and I got bored quickly.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.