There’s nothing more frustrating than guys who string women along and make them question themselves and whether they’ve made a mistake. It’s a classic case of “it’s not you, it’s me” but presented in the least satisfying terms. Here are a few reasons why he might be ignoring you out of nowhere. Start pouring the wine, girls.
He got bored. I wish I could give you a more satisfying answer than this, but in all likelihood, and to borrow a phrase from some noughties romcom, men are like sharks. If they stop moving, they die. This is the same with relationships. Or, as they call it, their “casual things.” Sometimes, guys just keep people around in their lives on a sad rotation so that they don’t have to stop and actually be alone with their thoughts. It’s sad and it’s depressing, but we aren’t responsible for that. It’s for them to come to terms with. You’re better off without a ghoster.
They’re seeing someone else. If the person you’re talking to suddenly goes MIA, there are more than a few reasons that could be. The worst of which is that they have found someone else. But that’s probably a good thing to realize now. It’s an efficient motion because it eliminates the wasted time and heartache of giving any more of your life to a person who is uninterested. Katherine Ryan once said on her podcast that the worst thing for a relationship is reluctance. For any reason and for any length of time. She’s right too. Any reluctance forces you to chase someone who doesn’t really want to be there, and that relationship doesn’t have legs. It lasts as long as you have the attention span to follow them, and that’s hard. You’ll constantly make excuses for them, and they will grow further and further away. Let them see someone else – you’re worth more than their indifference.
Work got hard or there are distractions at home. Maybe there’s a perfectly legitimate and innocent reason for his disappearance. Perhaps there is a family crisis that he had to drop everything for and that he didn’t have time to tell you about or fill you in on. It might be that he doesn’t want to burden you with that. Maybe. Stop right there. You can’t interpolate what’s going on in his life in the spaces left by what he doesn’t tell you. Don’t use his silence to excuse him. Maybe these things are true, but he still owes you an explanation for falling off the face of the earth. Unless he has literally fallen off a cliff, of course.
He got scared. Oh to be an emotionally unavailable man in the 21st century. How low the standards of communication have slumped. It might be that he just finally found himself being vulnerable and committing himself to you and got scared of getting hurt. It might be that he hasn’t got this far in a relationship before, and he’s in uncharted territory. Without the proper emotional sounding board of a friendship group around him that is willing to discuss their emotions, he will likely run away. However frustrating that is, you have to pity the situation if he can’t let himself get close to anyone. It just has to happen once and he will start to learn the emotional and mental scaffolding necessary to grow into a relationship and not be suffocated by it.
He’s trying to play hard to get. Maybe he’s feeling like he needs to play a game to get your attention. It could be his misplaced, juvenile way of showing that he cares about you by getting you to come to him. Maybe he’s tired of having to chase you and he wants to see if you will notice that he’s gone and chase him in return. Guys want attention just as much as we do, after all. We have to stop demonizing that. Maybe he isn’t the issue at all, maybe he just wants to know where he stands and to see how much you care.
He just doesn’t feel a connection anymore. It’s hard but it’s true. He is allowed to not want to see you anymore. Yes, he should be brave enough to have that conversation with you in person, but it is what it is. If he doesn’t feel respected, seen, or like his needs are being met, you can’t expect him to stick around. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you have to accept his decision.
Just hope that the next guy who comes along prioritizes you as much as you prioritize them. Communicate your needs and avoid the terrible issue of ghosting without losing your mind.
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