Why Is The Standard Set So Low When It Comes To Relationships?

Modern relationships aren’t exactly the thing love songs are made of. It feels like those happy endings you see in rom-coms are more unrealistic than ever, and the standards of modern-day relationships are set so low that the bare minimum is seen as going above and beyond. What happened to real love? We need to set the bar so much higher and stop believing that these actions are anything but basic common courtesy.

  1. They spend time with you. Quality time should be a given! If a partner is skipping out on their Saturday night at the club with their single friends to spend some time with you, it’s not an amazing selfless act. They should want to do that more often than not. It’s not a sacrifice!
  2. They show up when they say they’re going to. Actually following through with plans you make is not medal-worthy. All it means is that you’re a reliable person whose word can be trusted. If your partner does this, it means they’re considerate, not an angel on earth.
  3. They remember important dates. If I see one more post about a person whose partner remembered their birthday as if that’s hard to do, I may just throw in the towel on dating altogether and join a nunnery. Remembering an anniversary, birthday, or any other coupley-milestone date isn’t that hard. Everyone has a calendar in their pocket at all times.
  4. Red flags are somehow positives. If a partner is jealous and tries to keep you all to themselves in an aggressive way, that isn’t true love. Trust is true love and all these little red flags that people somehow equate to healthy displays of romance are actually kind of sickening.
  5. They shower you with affection. Having a partner who kisses you and likes it, hugs you, gives you massages, or offers any other type of physical intimacy on a regular basis isn’t going above and beyond. That is—or at least it should be—a given in a relationship. Of course, it should be a give-and-take situation and one partner shouldn’t be doing all the work in this department, but no matter how you slice it, physical affection isn’t a bonus, it’s a vital part of all healthy relationships.
  6. They don’t sleep around. I once saw a post from a woman who was actually praising her boyfriend for passing up on a little extracurricular action with other women. This is not something that a partner deserves to be put on a pedestal for. If your relationship is monogamous and you’ve both discussed that, it’s a given that you aren’t sleeping around with other people. It’s not something that they deserve a parade for.
  7. They take time to get to know things you like. If your partner cooks your favorite dinner after a long day, sure, it’s a nice thing to do. It’s even something to be appreciated. However, them knowing what you like to eat is not something that they should get a reward sticker for. The same goes for anything you’re into. They should be paying attention because they want to know everything about you, and if they blank up when you ask them what your favorite anything is, it’s likely that you’ve set the standard way too low.
  8. Romance isn’t extra. They’re called ROMANTIC relationships for reason. Whether your idea is sitting in the bed of a truck in a field under the stars talking about nothing or going out to the most expensive restaurant in town, romance should and always will be a given. Your partner should be going out of their way to show you that they like you in a romantic way by doing romantic things. It’s not Hollywood bs and it’s not unrealistic to expect.
  9. Lowering your standards will only lead to settling. You should always have set standards of how you want to be treated and what you need out of a relationship. Each and every person’s standards and expectations will be different because we’re all pretty unique in that but one thing we have in common is that we need to feel loved and respected in our relationship. When you lower your standards, you’ll never feel the love and it will lead to nothing but heartache in the end.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.