Do you ever find yourself suddenly eight consecutively unread texts deep into a conversation and unsure quite how you got there? Well, trust me, it happens. Usually, it’s nothing personal. However, sometimes you need to take a breather and assess your own behavior to figure out why he isn’t answering your texts. Take a deep breath and then take a read. It may help give you some much-needed clarity.
- He needs space. It’s a simple answer but it’s generally nothing to do with you. We can’t read minds and we shouldn’t be expected to know what’s going on inside a person’s mind all the time. That said, they should also be expected to communicate their feelings to you in order to have their needs met. If he needs space and asks for it, this is actually a good sign that he’s establishing his boundaries. It demonstrates that he feels safe to do this. If the issue is just space he will return to your screen shortly, having had the refreshing break that he needs.
- He’s losing interest. This is perhaps one of the harshest answers to the question of “Why isn’t he answering my texts?” but it does apply semi-often. This is the other side of the coin. The soft-breakup or the precursor to ghosting. Either way, it could be his way of trying to gently step away from the picture. Yes, it’s cowardly and speaks to his emotional unavailability, but it’s better that you know that now than later. You will learn to attract more mature men who don’t play with your emotions or waste your time. For now, it could be time to let this one go.
- Family issues. Maybe there’s something going on at home, or a family emergency that he has to deal with. Sometimes really big things happen to people but they don’t want to burden other people with it so they internalize it and deal with it alone. Make sure that you’re there as an option for people without being pushy or presumptuous. Be there as a shoulder to cry on and support him when he needs you and don’t be too harsh on his texting habits. Heck, maybe there’s nothing wrong, but you never know what’s going on in someone else’s life.
- He’s feeling pressured. Maybe he is interested in a relationship with you but he feels that things are moving too fast. Ask yourself now about whether those eight messages were really essential after he didn’t reply to the first. Was it you who overthought things and escalated your feelings while he was trying to figure himself out? That’s nothing to blame you for, but it’s something to be aware of. Take some time to reflect on why you’re sending all these messages. What are your expectations and why are you reliant on their validation? Can you see where these pressures are coming from? Try to keep things casual while you’re figuring each other out. Ask where the relationship is going and be frank.
- You’re being pushy. Maybe you don’t realize it, but this is the perfect time to be made aware of the fact that you tend to come on a little strong in these opening stages of relationships. Don’t blame him for your attachment style! This is where your friends will be an excellent support system and be honest when you’re coming on too strong.
- You need to redefine your relationship. Maybe the trajectory you had in mind is not the plan he had. This is a great time to check back in with each other and figure out if you’re on the same page. Compromise is possible and essential, but don’t beat a dead horse. You are allowed to leave the relationship if he’s distant and you’re suddenly not so sure anymore. Keep it casual, maybe go on a break – or suggest an ultimatum. Find new rules and get rid of the old ones so that you both feel comfortable and seen. Figure out his intentions.
- He might just be hanging with friends. This isn’t where you let your jealous side out. It’s normal and healthy for people in relationships to have a tight-knit group of friends outside of their partner. It means you stay well-rounded and enriched, and no relationship should cut you off from friends. You should never be threatened by your partner’s friends. Frankly put, they were there first.
- He might have another date. Maybe he’s cheating, or sleeping around. If you haven’t set boundaries to prevent that, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but be aware that you could get hurt. Don’t look for things that you might actually find and then act righteously.
So there you have it, a mixed bag of reasons and hypotheticals that could explain why your man is suddenly MIA. But, before you get the pitchforks out or start writing a eulogy to your relationship, check that you actually replied to him first. It has happened before that I kicked up a fuss about someone not replying but it turned out it was me that forgot to. Whoops!