Why Isn’t He Texting Me? Here’s What’s Really Going On

Why isn’t he texting me? If straight women had a penny for every time we’ve racked our brains with this question, we’d all be millionaires by now. It’s so hard to figure out why, even though a guy claims to really like you and wants to be with you, he just stops texting you out of nowhere and doesn’t make an effort to get in touch. Seriously, what’s up with that? Here are some possible explanations for his radio silence.

  1. He’s legitimately busy. When he isn’t texting you, your friends and family will likely try and placate you with this excuse. Is it possible? Of course. Life is hectic, people have jobs and other responsibilities, and texting isn’t always the first priority. However, it needs to be pointed out that if someone really likes you, they’ll make time to send you at least a quick message to let you know you’re on their mind. It doesn’t have to be some long conversation — even just a “hey, hope you’re ok! super busy but wanted to say hi” would go a long way.
  2. He’s “bad at texting.” This is another classic excuse guys like to use when they’re not texting you or are leaving you on read. It’s not that they don’t want to chat, they’re just “bad at texting,” right? Wrong. Women don’t have some magical powers that automatically make us good at texting. Therefore, there’s no reason why guys should suck at it. If he’s not texting you, it could just be that he’s being rude.
  3. He’s talking to other women. Now this is pretty likely. If you met this guy on a dating app in particular, chances are you weren’t his only match and you’re not the only woman he’s been talking to. If he’s not texting you, it stands to reason that he might be texting one of them. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with this, especially in the early days when you have no real claim over one another, but if they’re getting more of his attention than you are, you might as well cut your losses.
  4. You came on too strong. Is it ridiculous that it’s possible he isn’t texting you because you showed your interest? Yes. Does it happen? You bet. If he wasn’t serious about you and had no intention of getting into an actual relationship with you, it’s no wonder he isn’t texting you once he found out how much you like him. He’s probably thinking, “Oh, sh-t, this is going to get messy quick.” Consider his silence a blessing in this case.
  5. He’s trying to keep you on your toes. Obnoxious but so common. It’s possible that you haven’t heard from him because he thinks by ignoring you, you’ll like him more and want to chase him. Sadly, this tends to work sometimes — don’t let it work on you. If he isn’t texting you, take it at face value and assume he’s not interested. If he is, he should be showing it.
  6. He doesn’t like you as much as he thought he did. Maybe he thought you were great and there was a lot of chemistry between you when you first met, but now that he’s had more time to think or has gotten to know you better, he’s realized he doesn’t feel that way anymore. If that’s the case, he likely isn’t texting you because he’s trying to peter out communication in the hopes that you’ll take the hint and go away on your own without him having to have any awkward conversations. This is a cowardly move.
  7. He’s lazy and doesn’t want to make an effort. It’s not that he doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s that he’s lazy and just can’t be bothered. If you’re going to date, he’d rather you be the one to make all the effort, even if that means having one-sided conversations that never go anywhere because he just isn’t texting you back. Lovely.
  8. He has nothing to say. Maybe he responds to your message but doesn’t take the opportunity to reach out to you first and you’re wondering why. Why should you have to be the one to initiate all of your conversations? It’s possible he isn’t texting you because he simply has nothing to say and like many guys, he doesn’t see the point of small talk. Of course, if he likes you, he’s certainly sending signals to the contrary, so he needs to get his act together.
  9. You’re not giving him much to respond to. Maybe he isn’t texting you because you reached out but didn’t say much of anything worth replying to. Texting “hey” or “i just went to the movies” doesn’t really inspire a lot of conversation. Try asking him more probing questions or bringing up topics you know he’s passionate about so he’s more likely to want to chat.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia