Why It Feels Like Your Boyfriend Is Pulling Away, According To A Guy

One day everything is fine, the next it feels like your boyfriend is trying to create some distance between the two of you. It’s important to remember that (most) men don’t do that just for the fun of it, even if it does feel like he’s playing games with your heart. Here are a few possible explanations for his behavior.

  1. Things are getting too serious too fast. Most of us aren’t keen to jump into anything head first. We may genuinely like you, but it can be an overwhelming feeling for us. If your relationship somehow went from 0 to 60 overnight, there’s a good chance he’s going to slam on the metaphorical breaks and try to create some distance in order to slow things down. When things get serious, we think we’re losing our independence, and our instinct is to cling to that independence as long as possible.
  2. There’s sudden pressure on the relationship. Did you two just say “I love you” for the first time? Did you just move in together? If something happened to suddenly make your relationship super serious, some guys will instinctually pull away. We typically like to know that there’s an easy way out of a relationship if we want to take it, but if things are suddenly serious, we feel like we lose that option, so we pull away to see if we can find it just in case.
  3. You’re not the one he imagined himself with long-term. Admittedly, this will be tough not to take personally. As mentioned, when guys to feel a relationship is getting serious, we freak out. This could manifest into thinking about whether we intended to end up with you or someone like you. We may reflect on past girlfriends or think about our “type.” Rest assured, your boyfriend should get past this. He just needs to come to grips with the fact that this may not be the way he scripted things, even if ending up with you is for the best.
  4. He’s overwhelmed by his emotions. Spoiler alert: most men aren’t that great at dealing with their emotions. Shocking, right? If he’s fallen hard for you, he may be freaked out about all of the feelings he’s experiencing, even positive ones. Don’t take it personally; he’s just not used to being so emotionally invested in something and doesn’t know how to react. Pulling away from you is one way for him to cope with his feelings until he figures out that they’re not so bad.
  5. He can see the end of the aisle. If a guy just proposed or is thinking about proposing, it’s normal for him to pull away a little bit. It’s not that he doesn’t want your relationship to end with marriage, he’s just a little nervous about the finality of it. Men aren’t quite as focused on a relationship ending in marriage as some women tend to be, so the thought of knowing that this relationship is heading down the aisle takes some getting used to.
  6. He has other things on his mind. This may not even be related to your relationship. If he has other things going on in his personal or work life, he may try to shut you out. A lot of us men think we can work through things on our own without any outside help. If we’re trying to work through something, it’s only natural to take a step back from our relationship.
  7. He feels unappreciated. Just like women like to feel appreciated, men do as well. If you feel your boyfriend pulling away, you may not be letting him know how much you love and appreciate him enough. We sometimes get to a point in a relationship where they feel like their partner will be just fine without us. Hopefully this isn’t true, and if it’s not, remember that you have to show him.
  8. You don’t want the same things. You may genuinely care about each other, but guys can sense when our partners don’t want the same things as us. If he feels that crack in the relationship, he may pull himself away, thinking that he doesn’t want to get any more invested in a relationship that isn’t going to last.
  9. He wants to change his direction in life. If a guy is pondering a big decision, he’s probably going to make it on his own and wants some space from everyone around him. He could be thinking about breaking up with you. He could also be thinking about proposing. It could also have nothing to do with you. Your best bet is to try to get him to open up without pushing too hard rather than freaking out about your boyfriend getting a little distant with you.
  10. It’s in your head. If it feels like your boyfriend is pulling away, you have to consider the possibility that it’s all in your head. No offense, ladies. It’s possible that you may think a guy is pulling away, but he’s actually just settling in and getting comfortable with your relationship rather than trying to woo you and win you over. It’s actually a good thing, right?
Bryan Zarpentine graduated from Syracuse University and lives in upstate New York, where he writes largely about the world of sports. His work has appeared on Franchise Sports and WSN, among others. You can find him on Twitter @BZarp.