Here’s Why It’s So Hard To Date When You’re Self-Aware

While being self-aware might seem like a good thing, it makes dating really difficult. Being confident in your decisions and knowing what you want can definitely make you a better person but it doesn’t necessarily make you a better partner. If the following qualities describe you, it’s no wonder you’ve been struggling in love.

  1. You’re always brutally honest. You know what you love, what you hate, and what you don’t care about and you’re not afraid of vocalizing it. You’re not bothered by others disagreeing with you but others seem to be bothered by your ability to 100% know where you stand on certain topics. You can’t force yourself to agree with someone just because you like them, and that’s not always easy for people to understand.
  2. You overanalyze yourself and others. You think before you speak and try to imagine every outcome before you take action. You overanalyze yourself and others. You pay a lot of attention to what other people do, which is one reason why dating is so difficult. You can’t just have a conversation with someone; you have to have a conversation while paying attention to their mouth, their words, their hand gestures, their shoes, their hair, etc. It’s exhausting.
  3. You have a hard time understanding people sometimes. Even though you pay attention to other people, you don’t always understand them and that can be very difficult for you to come to terms with. When someone does something you can’t comprehend, even after spending days going over it, you freak out. You get stressed and irritated with yourself.
  4. You’re A huge planner. You can’t just meet someone for coffee last minute, you have to plan ahead of time so you have a solid idea of what you might expect. Unfortunately, not everyone is a planner. For whatever reason, “modern dating” consists of last-minute hookups and spontaneous adventures—two things that aren’t exactly your go-tos.
  5. You give a lot of feedback. You tell people things they can improve on, and even though you say it with patience and respect, not everyone handles it well. People are probably quick to call you a control freak or maybe even a little stuck-up. They don’t always understand that you’re only trying to help.
  6. You can be intimidating. You don’t have a ton of experience with strangers randomly walking up to you and striking up conversations. That’s not because you aren’t great, it’s because you’re self-aware and people can clearly see that. You project a certain vibe that can be intimidating to a lot of people.
  7. You keep your feelings hidden. The thing about being self-aware is that you’re very in tune with your emotions. You rely on your own reasoning to get through problems. This quiet self-reflection may work for you but it can sometimes bother others because they don’t know what you’re thinking.
  8. You’re extremely focused and goal-oriented. You have plans, plans that you probably made years ago, and you’re not going to change them. Dating for you means finding someone whose plans complement yours or someone who’s willing to take your lead. Unfortunately, that can make your dating pool very limited.
  9. You’re more mature than most of your peers. You might think maturity comes with age but it doesn’t. Gaining maturity comes with gaining self-awareness. If you’re already self-aware, you’re probably light years ahead of people in the whole maturity thing. You say things with confidence and you don’t have a lot of patience for people who second guess every tiny decision they make.
  10. You take responsibility for everything. You don’t blame others for anything, even when it actually is someone else’s fault. You always find a way to blame yourself and prove that if you had done something differently, the outcome would’ve been better. It’s admirable but it stressful and it forces you to be somewhat of a control freak. You have to be in charge of everything.
  11. You have very high expectations. For yourself, I mean. You have high expectations for how you’re supposed to act in a relationship and because you’re not Superwoman, you’ve never met those expectations, which makes you feel like a failure in every relationship (or “situationship”) you’re in.
  12. You’re actually really sensitive. Small things can really get to you. Where others might be able to shake it off, it takes you a while to do move on. You’re easily upset by people’s word choices and quickly turned off by them too. Sure, it’s hard for you to date people, but you’re also not the easiest person to date. Being overly sensitive means the person you end up with has to be pretty patient and careful with how they communicate.
  13. You’re OK Being Alone. You’re the only person you need. You can talk to yourself about anything and you do. If you need advice, you get it from yourself. If you need to be encouraged to do something, you encourage yourself. It’s kind of difficult to find and be successful in a relationship when you know you’re just fine with or without a partner.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.