Why It’s OK Not To Know What You Want In Love

Why It’s OK Not To Know What You Want In Love ©iStock/gpointstudio

You might think you have to know what you want in love before you stand a chance at finding it with the right person, but maybe that’s not the case. Yes, you should have a general idea of what you like and don’t like, but there are plenty of variables you likely haven’t even considered — and that’s OK.

  1. It’s all trial and error, anyway. You start out with a detailed checklist, but that changes as you date. Tall, dark and handsome turns out to be an ass, so you decide short and funny might be best. As you go, you learn what does and doesn’t work for you.
  2. All you need is the basics. There are some things you should expect in every relationship, no matter what. When searching for love, make sure anyone you date meets those basic requirements and figure out the rest as you go.
  3. Standards change over time. What you wanted in your teens probably isn’t want you’re looking for in your 30s. You grow and change and what you want and need from love changes, too (as it should).
  4. There’s no perfect checklist. Despite what magazines might say, there isn’t a magic quiz or checklist to find the right person. Your best friend’s list is going to be drastically different from yours, and odds are, you’ll both end up with someone completely different than you expected, anyway.
  5. You’ll figure it out as you go. In case you haven’t gotten the hint already, you figure out what you want in love as you go through life. Each date and each failed relationship teaches you something new. It helps you narrow down what you want most and what you’re willing to compromise on.
  6. Love’s different for everyone. No one can figure out what they want because everyone wants something different. If you’re in love right now, you probably both see love differently, and that’s fine. When you have nothing to compare it to, it’s hard to determine what you really want and need.
  7. If you know exactly, you’ll never find it. Ever notice that the ones who seem to have it all figured out are always single? There’s a reason for that. You’re never going to find exactly what you envision. Love’s a surprise and it’ll always be different than what you expected.
  8. It’ll take the right person to show you. By the time you figure out what you want, you already have it. The wrong people help guide you, but it takes the right person to truly show you what love is and what you want from it, mainly because they’re giving you what you need.
  9. Learning is half the fun. Learning what you want gives you the chance to make once in a lifetime memories, meet new friends and try out new things. Don’t look at being single or being in the wrong relationship as a waste. It’s just a fun part of life that’ll look back on after you’ve gotten old and you’re snuggled with your significant other.
  10. Just have fun being single. Quit stressing out over trying to figure out love and finding the right person right this second. Cherish your single life. One day it’ll be gone and you might wish you would’ve done more. You’d be surprised at how much you learn about love even while you’re single.
  11. Love’s a mystery, even after you find it. As you grow and change as a couple, your love changes too. So, even when you think you’ve figured it all out, love’s still a mystery and constantly changing. Just relax and enjoy it. Even if you don’t have it right now, you’ll get there and realize no one ever figures it out completely.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.