Because men and women have been trained to express their emotions in such disparate ways, it means that they love in very different ways. It can be confusing, frustrating, and downright infuriating at times, but there’s a reason this happens and certain ways it manifests that every woman should be aware of. Here are some ways men love differently than women.
- Different mentalities There are just no two ways about it. While women might want a certain kind of intimacy or reassurance in the way that they love and expect to be loved, men aren’t quite the same. That’s okay too. You know what they say about opposites attracting each other. However, because of the fundamental differences in the way that we have been taught to perceive the world, we expect different things from it. For example, where a woman might typically appreciate things like flowers and chocolate as gestures to reaffirm or ‘prove’ someone’s love, men don’t really see the appeal. It means it rarely occurs to them to get those gifts for their partners because it isn’t how they themselves would want to receive love. That causes friction.
- Social upbringing Everything is a matter of culture these days. It either gets you through society or your family. Both will leave their mark on how you go on to love other people. The love you receive is the first evidence of the love that you’re being trained to give out. First of all, some aspects of love are characterized as being feminine or emasculating because they represent letting go of control and vulnerability. That can be hard for some men to engage with. That’s why they love so differently from women. We love words of affirmation and generosity, but men value more obvious, clear acts of love. Things like compliments can be easily given out but not really understood. Give a man a new electric razor or an off-road car experience and he’ll really hear your love.
- Performance Love is a performance in the same way that relationships are performances. In the early stages, anyway. You’re both trying out new things to see what the other person likes and dislikes. For example, men will show you they love you by performing the things they have learned that you like. They will get good at that, but it might soon become more of a stage-play. They will struggle to get out of their shell and offer new suggestions to the relationship, but that’s where the women come in.
- Toxic masculinity Most men won’t want to be seen getting flowers for their girls. Unless it’s the kind of really boring, “easily recognizable as being for a woman” roses type BS. As in the kind of easily recognizable that even their fellow men would understand and not judge them. Men have to fight against more aggression when it comes to showing that they’re into you. Yes, women are manipulated to be the harvester of love, but at least we’re told to embrace it. Men love differently because they were told to.
- The thrill of the chase Some say the love is all in the chase. That’s where the passion comes from, supposedly. On the sly, women want to be chased just as much, to feel wanted and desired, but we have to be more discrete about it. Blame that on who you like, but guys are more likely to be players than devoted husbands. That’s why their love language isn’t attention like women — theirs is distance and mystery because it makes them feel good.
- Love of casual things (at least in theory) Men express their affection, therefore, with commitment only when they’re really sure that they’re in love. You won’t catch a guy throwing around the L-word without due cause. Trust. They’re all about keeping things casual for as long as possible and won’t commit in any way until they’re 100% sure it’s worth their while. Not a bad way to be, but it can be a bit upsetting for the women on the other side…
- Lack of awareness of their own needs Sometimes, men seem to think that only women are allowed to assert themselves in a relationship and ask for something special. Or to ask to be accommodated. It can seem, to them, that to ask is to show weakness. When men are no longer afraid of showing weakness, and they show vulnerability in a relationship, that shows that they’re really in love.
- Fear of asking for nurturing This is the above point expressed in a microcosm. It always hits different when a typically reserved or emotionally repressed person asks to be nurtured in a relationship. That’s really the difference in how men and women express love. Women ask for that early. Men go late. Maybe they want to be the small spoon but feel it would be emasculating or “weird” to ask. Because of this, they end up bottling things up for way too long, which isn’t good.
- Sitting back and letting women take the wheel Not just in the bedroom, although yes, there too. No, this is a “taking the backseat to unwind, trusting the other person to get it right” situation. Do you see the difference? It’s a magical point of transition. There’s often a toxic belief in society that women are nagging control freaks and that in order to keep the peace, men just have to go along with us and whatever we want. It’s reductive and completely untrue, but it’s a stereotype that continues nonetheless.