When you’re in a mature, adult relationship, you expect the guy you’re dating to be able to handle all the trials, tribulations, and milestones that come along with it. So why do men pull away when things are going so well? It’s not like you’ve done anything wrong, though it’s hard to believe that sometimes given their behavior. Here’s what’s behind this behavior and how to stop the guy in your life from shutting you out.
- Things are getting too serious too quickly. Men often pull away when things between you start getting serious, particularly if they have commitment issues. It’s not that he doesn’t like you, it’s just that the closer you get, the more “real” your relationship gets, and he’s fully aware of the expectations and responsibilities that come along with it. This could very much be something he will get over on his own when he realizes it’s nothing to be afraid of because he really likes you, but if you do feel like you’ve been going at breakneck speed, it could help to pump the breaks a little and take your time. After all, if it’s right, there’s no rush.
- You’re being too clingy or needy. While he could just use his words to express his feelings to you, he might just pull away instead. Men don’t usually take well to women who are codependent or too clingy, especially early on. This isn’t just bad for your relationship, but it’s not great for you individually either. It’s important to be able to self-validate and self-soothe and to maintain your own life outside of your relationship. You should want him, not need him. If you think this might be an issue in your relationship, recognize the behavior and see if you can detach a bit.
- They’re not sure if they like you as much as you like them. This is a harsh one but it could be true. Sometimes men pull away because it’s easier (in their own heads at least) than telling you that they just don’t feel as strongly about you as you do about them and they’re not sure if they want a relationship with you. This is cowardly and immature, but it does happen. Try to keep an open line of communication with him, and if you feel things might be a little one-sided, speak with him about it directly. You have better things to do than waste your time and energy.
- They’re dealing with something else in their lives. Maybe he’s just feeling a bit distant because he’s sidetracked with something else at the moment. If he has a sick relative, family drama, work stress, or anything else going on, try to be a bit sympathetic and understanding. After all, his life isn’t all about you and there are going to be times when something else takes his time, attention, and emotional energy. Offer him your support and if he says he doesn’t need anything, do the best thing you can do and give him space.
- They’re afraid of getting hurt. You might not even have considered this but it’s definitely possible. Men do pull away when they’re afraid of getting hurt. If he really, really likes you and hasn’t felt as strongly for someone in a long time (or ever), then he’s bound to freak out about the possibility of things going wrong. Reassure him that you’re in it for the long haul and that you’re just as into him as he is into you. That might put his mind at ease.