Getting ghosted or just not being on the same page with someone you saw potential with can leave you feeling massively defeated. Even if the other person’s antics could only lead to the type of relationship you don’t even want, walking away is such a bummer. Here are 8 reasons why a dating fail in any form still burns whether it’s a blessing in disguise in the long run or not.
- It opens your mind to endless questioning and self-doubt. Even if you don’t want them, not being wanted yourself is a blow to the ego. You wonder if it was something you said or did. Were you too much or not enough? Will you ever be wanted? How do some people end up in whole marriages and you can’t ever get a text back? Could you really wind up alone forever? Why did they seem so interested before and what changed so quickly? It makes you feel bad and question your worth, especially if it happens after you open and reveal parts of yourself, like maybe you’re only likable when you’re not known.
- You feel like you wasted your time and energy. I don’t know about you, but I’m a serious hopeless romantic. Any time I get a whiff of potential I get excited, my inner schoolgirl comes out, and I’m feeling all the butterflies. I put effort into every hopeful — that’s just something about me I can’t help. I love to give gifts, I love having deep conversations, and I love spending quality time. If I like someone, I get invested in getting to know them and trying to work on us. I force myself to stay up a little later for our conversations and shift around my schedule to make time for them. It sucks if it doesn’t work out because I feel like I lost all that time when I could have done something else or been less tired trying to fit that person into my existing busy schedule and routine.
- You liked something about them. Even if you ultimately aren’t meant to be with someone there’s obviously an initial spark that gets you talking to them past the initial “hello” in the first place. Maybe they’re easy to talk to, or easy on the eyes, or maybe you just like their lifestyle or who they spend time with. Either way, once it’s over you have to give up the thing that you were drawn to and depending on what it was it could feel like a major loss in your life.
- The perks that come with that person are gone. Maybe you two connected because you were both big movie buffs or share similar fitness goals. When you spend time with someone who is like-minded or shares interests and goals your lives can feel aligned with one another. It gives you a little bit more and enthusiasm for what you’re trying to do when someone else is on board. Losing that person can put a hold on your progress or just make what you’re already doing seems a little dimmer now that you have to go back to doing it solo or lacking someone to talk about it with.
- You can’t help but take it personally. That person could have had lame intentions from the start, but it’s hard to not wonder if it was you especially if you’ve been having failed relationship attempt after failed relationship attempt. At the end of the day, most likely it wasn’t. It was more about them and what they’re going through and what they’re looking for. Still, it’s a challenge to not become insecure after a rejection.
- It crushes your enthusiasm to even try. No one wants to go out of their way for someone else only to have it go nowhere. It almost makes you want to be the one who doesn’t put in the effort next time just to make sure your energy and dignity are protected. Why even bother being vulnerable again and exposing yourself to someone for nothing? You almost become blasé and jaded about relationships altogether after a while.
- You’re back to square one. When you’re dating (or trying to accomplish this), it becomes routine to have someone to check in with and talk to. When holidays come up there is someone you automatically have to think of whether you’re getting a gift for or planning a date with. Whether just talking, in a casual relationship, or whatever you are doing, once it’s overall your prospects are immediately gone. You notice more when your phone doesn’t ring, or you don’t get a text. Sometimes it feels easier just to deal with someone who is annoying than to have literally no one to talk to or ever go out with.
- You feel self-conscious with the next person. Especially if you never got real closure, the wonder lingers in the back of your mind when the next relationship is going to flop. Experiencing toxic dating behaviors like ghosting can leave scars on you. You never know if someone really means what they say. The worst part is you’re not even safe if you have a title and a supposed level of commitment. It can make you paranoid and hesitant to trust other people. It’s like you’re walking on eggshells with each new person just waiting for the bad to come back again.