Why It’s So Hard To Let A Guy In When You’ve Been Single AF For Years

Why It’s So Hard To Let A Guy In When You’ve Been Single AF For Years ©iStock/cyano66

When you’ve been single for a long ass time, it’s hard to imagine a guy coming into the picture — but you’ll need to adjust eventually if you’re serious about having love in your life. As much fun as it is sleeping sideways across a queen size bed and never having to wait for the bathroom in the morning to get ready for work, having someone to love in your life is also an amazing thing and it takes real adjustment to alter your usual routine. Here’s why welcoming a possible future plus one is much harder when you’re single AF:

  1. You’re set in your ways. Long-term single life comes with certain idiosyncrasies that seem impossible to break. You’ve got your morning routine of hitting your favorite coffee shop at exactly the same time every day, slaying it at work and coming home to cook a bomb ass dinner down to an art. Throwing someone else in there means making some adjustments — morning sex, sharing kitchen duties, being late because you couldn’t get in the shower on time… The struggle is real.
  2. You have a timeline of stuff to do, even if that stuff is nothing. When you’re living a true single AF life, you relish your alone time, wearing your ultra un-sexy at home clothes and sinking into your worn couch spot to watch endless hours of Netflix glory. When a guy who wants to be a part of that is in the mix, you freak out at the idea that you have to be somewhat put-together and worry that he might judge you for wanting to watch six hours of The Good Wife.
  3. You’re not used to someone sticking around. The sad reality is that you’re actually not fully used to having someone all the way in your life, so reorganizing your routine to fit that guy in once he finally shows up is a pretty overwhelming task. It’s not easy stepping out of your comfort zone, but sometimes you need to get a little uncomfortable to break through to the next chapter in your life.
  4. You panic at the idea of making the life of a duo a habit. It’s easy to get carried away in your mind with the idea that this crap could actually work out for the long haul and that you’re single AF lifestyle is completely a thing of the past — and you didn’t even get to say goodbye. There was no legit warning and you don’t know if you can deal with that.
  5. You’re scared to lose your freedom. Welcoming someone in your life when you’re so used to doing your own thing all the time is pretty terrifying. Living life with someone else in mind does require sacrifice and even though you don’t need to lose yourself completely in a new relationship, you do have to alter the way you do things and take him into account if you want things to work out.
  6. You worry about your SSBs. The term “SSB,” coined by none other than the legendary Carrie Bradshaw, is your Secret Single Behaviors — the crap you don’t want any boyfriend to ever know about. Having a new guy in your life means that you need to low key do those things and plan around your new beau to make sure he continues to never know about any of them.
  7. You’re exhausted AF trying to fit everything in. The initial stages of seriously dating someone when you’ve been single AF forever is painfully exhausting. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to continue killing it in your life and have a guy in there too. You find yourself nodding off at work because you were up late the night before, and you can’t even begin to imagine how you’re going to survive your spin class after work running on only a few hours of sleep. Ugh. This love stuff is a bitch.
  8. You get agitated at times because you’re not used to the company. Sometimes you just want to be alone and in peace without anyone else around — it’s what you get used to when you’re single AF. You might need the time to retreat back to your cave in the initial stages, but sooner or later, you’ll wonder how you survived for so long without the company of such a great guy who’s now in your life.
  9. Hang in there — you’ll get through it. It’s going to take some time and it’s not going to be easy but if you just roll with the motions and ease into things gently, you’ll get used to having someone break your single AF routine and make room for a new routine — the routine of being in love.