Why Texting A Guy First Is Really No Big Deal

Conventional dating advice for women would say that texting a guy first is a major faux pas. It makes you seem too eager, too desperate, and lets him off the hook from working to get you, right? Obviously not. It’s 2022 and those reductive and downright ridiculous old school dating rules just don’t apply anymore. Here’s why texting a guy first is really no big deal and you shouldn’t hesitate to do it (at least not in most circumstances).

  1. You’re texting, not proposing marriage. Seriously, texting a guy first is pretty much the most laid-back and noncommital thing you can do in the dating world. You’re not asking him to be your forever boyfriend and the father of your child, you’re literally sending him a few words on your phone. It’s really not that deep.
  2. It’s not all on him to show interest. The idea that a guy should do the texting and reaching out first while you sit back and enjoy being lavished with attention is ridiculous. There are two people in a relationship (or even in a dating scenario), meaning it should be as close to a 50/50 effort as possible. Texting a guy first is the least you can do to show him you’re actually invested in getting to know him. I mean, come on!
  3. If you have something to say, why shouldn’t you? If you want to tell the guy about a hilariously awkward run-in you had at work today or the fact that a band you both like just announced a new tour, texting him first to do so is just natural. Obviously, small talk should be kept to a minimum if you actually want a response, but you shouldn’t hesitate to message him when you have something to say.
  4. He’s not going to think anything of it. If you think texting a guy first is going to make him lose interest in you, you’re either weird or he is. Reaching out to say hi and see how he’s doing is pretty casual and if he’s into you, he’ll probably actually be happy to hear from you.
  5. Playing hard to get is lame and outdated. Seriously, you do not need to pretend to be aloof and uninterested in a guy by waiting for him to get in touch. Texting him first will show the guy that you’re a bit more enlightened and confident than a lot of other women he’s probably met.

When texting a guy first is a no-go

  1. You’ve already texted him and been left on read. In most cases, texting a guy first gets the green light, but if you’ve already messaged him before, whether a few hours or a few days ago, and heard nothing back, chances are he’s not all that interested in talking to you right now. (Of course, that means if and when he comes back, he should already be blocked.)
  2. He’s asked for some space or told you he’s busy. Sometimes dating can’t be our number one priority in life. It happens. If he has a major deadline at work or something going on with his family or is generally just feeling overwhelmed, he might need to take a step back for a bit. In that case, texting him first would be respecting his wishes and is not a good look.
  3. He’s not reciprocating your efforts in other ways. You’re generally the one who plans the dates, makes the conversation, and puts in the effort. In this kind of scenario, texting him first isn’t just a bad idea, but talking to this guy at all is probably a waste of time. If you’re not getting the same energy back that you’re putting in, put down the phone and walk away.
  4. He told you he’d text you but hasn’t. Yeah, things come up and people forget, but in most cases, if he told you he’d be in touch but he hasn’t been, that’s not an accident. Don’t bother texting him first or at all for now — the ball is firmly in his court, so let him play it as he will.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia