Why You Can Never See A Bad Breakup Coming

Why You Can Never See A Bad Breakup Coming ©iStock/BraunS

For some reason, it’s a piece of cake to predict the downfall of someone else’s relationship, but when it comes to your own, you tend to get a little blindsided. You probably consider yourself to be a smart and observant woman who’s totally in tune with what’s happening with you and your man, but somehow, there are some breakups that just come completely out of left field. Why can’t we ever see them coming?

  1. He was faking it. Some people are mature enough to deal with their feelings and talk things out, while others find it easier to fake things until the very end when they just hop out of the relationship and leave you in shock. There’s nothing you could have done, honestly.
  2. Your hormones were clouding your view. Your body knows exactly what it’s doing, and when you’re getting some, it wants you to keep getting some. It’s science.
  3. You ignored the red flags. In retrospect, you can see them covered in flashing lights, but in the moment, some part of you wanted to bury them in order to keep moving forward. Live and learn.
  4. You trusted him. Of course you did, as you should have. It’s far braver to live a life of trust than distrust. Either way, you’ll be wrong some of the time so you might as well be open about it.
  5. It was wrong all along. Sometimes we don’t see the sudden turn around in a relationship because it was kind of crappy to begin with. Jerks don’t usually ease up as things intensify.
  6. Your ego is a big baby. And that means it likes to avoid trouble, particularly when you’re at fault or when a fight or conflict might come about by resisting a current pattern in a relationship.
  7. People do actually change. For better and worse, people truly change. Sometimes that means you’re no longer compatible, even if you didn’t see things that way.
  8. You had already drifted apart. Distance is on both of your shoulders, but it can be a very effective way of avoiding the issues at hand. Conflict avoidance, anyone?
  9. You can’t possibly know what goes on in another person’s head. While you were looking forward to what his career change might mean for both of your lives, he saw it as an opportunity to trade in his entire old life, which included leaving you.
  10. You love him as a friend. It’s one thing to fall out of love and suddenly see something terrible in front of you, it’s quite another to fall out of love and still deeply love someone as a person.
  11.  There are always good things mixed in with bad. It would so simple to break up if things were clear-cut, but they almost never are, just like the differences in every other type of person and relationship in your life.
  12. Who we love becomes a part of our identity. Coming to terms with the fact that there might be something wrong about a partner that you chose might mean coming to terms with the fact that you too must change. Ugh.
  13. Love is blind. There is actually psychological truth to the fact that when you love someone, you see him as better looking, wittier, smarter, etc. than other people do. That explains a lot.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com