Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About A Guy Even Though You Were Never Serious

It’s so random how different situations with dudes affect us. You can have a full-blown relationship with one and say good riddance to him when he’s out of your life but then not even make it to a title with another and be totally crushed when it ends. So, what is it about some dudes that just make them stick in your mind longer? Here are 10 reasons you can’t mentally let go of a guy even if commitment-wise it never even got to that level.

  1. It’s hard not to take it personally. Even if you feel like you know your worth, it’s still a struggle not to replay every convo in your mind and wonder what you said/did wrong. Lack of closure can lead to obsessive thoughts. You may want to forget about him, but not having details about the split nags at you. Something not working out that you hoped would is just a blow to the core, period.
  2. You’re the type who gives your all. It’s hard to take your heart back when you give so freely and fully. Even if you want to be guarded, if it’s in your inner makeup to be a giver and a lover, it’s just second nature for you. It’s like every person you connect with you leave a piece of your soul with when you part ways.
  3. He was a jerk, plain and simple. Don’t make excuses for him. He knew what he was doing. He led you on. Sold you a dream. Got you to be vulnerable. He enjoyed every bit of your attention and devotion but he never wanted more and doesn’t care that he left you feeling crazy and doubting your intuition and judgment of character.
  4. You’re afflicted with hopeless romanticism. You may be a bit of a dreamer. Maybe the guy himself wasn’t that great. He might’ve just been meeting bare minimum expectations. But, if you’re used to dealing with toxic, half-effort giving people, the basics can seem like above and beyond. The few times he was consistent, returned your call, showed up on time, extended a kind gesture, etc., you may have played him up to be more than what he was. In your mind, you created a whole Prince Charming out of a Baseline Dude.
  5. You cared. You’re a good person with an equally good heart. When you agreed to talk, you were genuinely interested in getting to know him. You paid attention to what he said. You made time for him. You did everything right on your end and he still did you dirty.
  6. You’re curious. I mean, you didn’t wonder what he was up to before you knew he existed, right? Now that you’ve had some interaction with him, it’s only natural for him to creep up in your thoughts from time to time, especially since he came in under romantic pretenses. If things didn’t work out between you two it’s likely you don’t have contact with him anymore. Just knowing you can’t just pick up the phone and chat with him makes it seem forbidden and off-limits, which piques temptation in all of us. If he was just a friend or someone you knew, it’d be easier to take reaching out for granted since you know you can do it any day that is convenient. It’s different when you can’t talk to someone anymore like you used to.
  7. Toxic men love-bomb. You fell so quickly and easily for him because he is a master of deception. He openly lied, intentionally said what you wanted to hear, and showered you with attention and gifts to lure you in. He wanted you to get attached, but having a lack of empathy himself, he didn’t feel anything about leaving you in the cold.
  8. It’s still a form of a loss. Even if the commitment wasn’t solidified, you’re still missing something when he’s gone: someone to talk to, exchange texts with, go out with, look forward to seeing, smell and look good for, dress up for, etc. You still have to adjust to him being out of your life.
  9. You’re ready to be in a relationship. When you’re at that place in your life where you don’t really need someone but want a partner by your side and have most of your ducks in a row, it’s hard to not put your eggs in one basket when you meet a prospect. You don’t have time to waste just going on random dates and hooking up and you take it seriously when you meet a guy who doesn’t seem weird or bad news straight off the jump. It’s just easier for someone to catch your eye when you’ve made space for a role to be filled and are paying attention to people.
  10. You weren’t cut deep enough to really want him away since things stayed superficial. If you never officially date someone, they may not have stuck around long enough to give you a real reason to hate them. To have that level of passion that you truly despise someone, you had to have been attached and close enough to them. If you’re just getting to know someone, you may fantasize about where the relationship could have gone and glamorized what being with him would be like as opposed to someone you were serious with genuinely letting you down.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer