Eye Opening Reasons You Keep Attracting Emotionally Damaged People

Eye Opening Reasons You Keep Attracting Emotionally Damaged People

You have a huge heart and so much love to give; all you really want is to be surrounded by people who give as much as they take. But for some reason, you keep attracting people who are emotionally damaged, leaving you stuck in relationships where you’re constantly giving and rarely receiving. It’s not that there’s something wrong with you—far from it. However, certain qualities and patterns might unintentionally draw in those broken birds looking for someone to heal them rather than working on themselves. If you’re tired of feeling like a magnet for the emotionally unavailable and unstable, here are some possible reasons why it keeps happening.

1. You Have A “Caregiver” Complex

Young man having a problem. Girlfriend comforting her sad boyfriend.

You instinctively put others’ needs before your own, always ready to offer support, comfort, and understanding. You’re the person who stays up late listening to someone vent, the one who always checks in, and the one who will drop everything to help someone in need. This is a beautiful trait, but unfortunately, it makes you highly attractive to people who are looking for a savior rather than a partner. Instead of working on their own healing, they latch onto you, knowing you’ll always be there to carry their burdens. According to Marriage.com, individuals with a caretaker personality often prioritize their partner’s needs over their own, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and an imbalance in the relationship.

This pattern can quickly turn unhealthy if it’s one-sided. If you find yourself constantly exhausted and emotionally drained by the people you’re helping, it might be time to take a step back. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop sacrificing your own well-being for people who are unwilling to help themselves. Being a caregiver should be reciprocal, not a role you take on at the expense of your own happiness.

2. You Have a “Fixer” Mentality

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You genuinely believe that with enough love, patience, and effort, you can help people become better versions of themselves. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that if you just love them enough, they’ll finally heal, or that if you keep supporting them, they’ll eventually get their life together. While this desire to help comes from a good place, it often leads you into relationships with people who take advantage of it. Instead of fixing themselves, they rely on you to do all the emotional heavy lifting. As noted by Julia Schwab Therapy, the fixer mentality involves a compulsion to solve others’ problems, often at the expense of one’s own well-being, and can hinder personal growth and authentic connections.

The reality is, people only change when they want to—not because someone else is pushing them to. You are not a rehabilitation center for broken individuals. The more you focus on fixing others, the more you neglect your own needs. Instead of seeking out projects, look for partners who are already doing the work on themselves. A healthy relationship should feel like a partnership, not a never-ending rescue mission.

3. You Always See The Green Flags in People, Not The Red Ones

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You genuinely believe that there’s good in everyone, and while that’s an admirable trait, it can also make you blind to red flags. You give people the benefit of the doubt, assuming their flaws are temporary and that they’ll eventually become the person you see in them. While some people do grow and change, others will take advantage of your optimism, using it as an excuse to never improve. Instead of facing consequences, they count on your endless understanding to shield them from accountability. You convince yourself that if you just hold on a little longer, they’ll turn into the person you know they could be. According to The Scottish Sun, focusing solely on the positive traits in others while ignoring red flags can prevent self-reflection and lead to unhealthy relationship patterns.

But loving someone for their potential is dangerous, especially when they’re showing you who they really are. You can believe in the best in people while still protecting yourself from their worst. It’s okay to let go of someone who refuses to grow. You are not responsible for dragging someone to the finish line of their own healing. A relationship should be based on who someone is now, not who you hope they’ll become in the future. Stop excusing bad behavior just because you can see glimpses of something better underneath.

4. You’re An Empath Without Boundaries

happy adult woman with mom smiling outside

Your deep empathy allows you to connect with people on a profound level, but it also makes you a magnet for those who thrive on emotional dependence. You’re the kind of person who can sense when someone is struggling, and you instinctively want to help. While empathy is an incredible trait, it can quickly become overwhelming when you start absorbing other people’s emotions as if they’re your own. As highlighted by Mental Health America, lacking boundaries as an empath can lead to emotional enmeshment and burnout, underscoring the importance of setting limits to protect one’s well-being.

Being empathetic doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight of everyone else’s pain. There’s a difference between being compassionate and becoming emotionally enmeshed with people who drain your energy. It’s okay to care, but it’s also okay to set limits. Protecting your own emotional health doesn’t make you cold-hearted—it makes you stronger and more available for people who actually value you.

5. You’d Rather Be With A Broken Bird Than Fly Solo

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If the idea of being alone terrifies you, you might be subconsciously settling for relationships that are unhealthy just to avoid loneliness. You may ignore red flags, dismiss toxic behaviors, and cling to relationships that don’t serve you, simply because the thought of being single feels worse. This desperation to fill the void attracts emotionally damaged people who sense that you’ll put up with more than you should.

Being alone isn’t a punishment—it’s an opportunity to heal, grow, and set better standards for yourself. The more comfortable you become with your own company, the less likely you are to tolerate relationships that drain you. Love should be a choice, not a necessity to avoid loneliness. When you learn to embrace solitude, you’ll naturally attract people who complement your life rather than those who take advantage of it.

6. Your Trauma Mirrors Theirs

sad blonde woman in living room

Trauma has a strange way of attracting similar energy. If you’ve experienced emotional wounds that you haven’t fully healed from, you might be unconsciously drawn to people who reflect those same wounds back at you. It’s a subconscious attempt to work through your pain by helping someone else heal—but unfortunately, this rarely works. Instead of healing, you end up stuck in a cycle of brokenness that never gets resolved.

The best way to break free from this pattern is to focus on your own healing before trying to help someone else. Therapy, self-reflection, and emotional work can help you identify the ways your past is influencing your present relationships. You deserve a relationship where both people are healthy, whole, and emotionally mature. Don’t settle for someone who needs fixing when you could have someone who’s already doing the work on themselves.

7. You Have A Habit Of Saying Yes When You Know You Should Say No

Woman apologizes to her friend after fight

You hate disappointing people. You’d rather stretch yourself thin than let someone down, even if it comes at the expense of your own peace. That’s why emotionally damaged people love you—you’re accommodating to a fault, willing to sacrifice your own comfort to make sure they’re okay. You’re the person who always gives second (and third and fourth) chances, hoping they’ll eventually change.

The truth is, constantly accommodating others isn’t kindness—it’s self-abandonment. You need to start prioritizing your own well-being over keeping others comfortable. Learning to say no doesn’t make you cruel—it makes you self-respecting. If someone only values you when you’re bending over backward for them, they don’t really value you at all.

8. You’re Desperate For Any Form Of Connection

You’re not interested in surface-level relationships—you want real, raw, soul-shaking intimacy. You thrive on deep conversations, emotional vulnerability, and connections that feel profound. While this is a beautiful quality, it also makes you susceptible to attracting emotionally damaged people who crave intensity but lack stability. They mistake chaos for passion, trauma bonding for love, and the rollercoaster of highs and lows keeps you hooked. You tell yourself that the depth of your connection makes the struggle worth it, but in reality, it’s just draining you.

True depth isn’t found in dysfunction—it’s found in relationships that are emotionally mature, stable, and safe. If your relationships feel like constant emotional turmoil disguised as intensity, take a step back. Passion shouldn’t come at the expense of your peace. Seek partners who can match your emotional depth and offer consistency. Deep connections should nourish you, not deplete you.

9. You’re Overly Optimistic That People Can Change

winter woman waiting for subway

You see the best in people, even when they’ve repeatedly shown you their worst. You believe in growth, transformation, and second chances (maybe too much). This unwavering faith in others can make you stick around for way too long, hoping that one day, they’ll finally become the version of themselves you know they can be. Unfortunately, emotionally damaged people thrive on that hope, using your optimism as a reason to stay the same.

The harsh reality? People don’t change unless they want to—and you are not the catalyst. Instead of investing in potential, start focusing on what’s actually in front of you. If someone consistently makes you feel emotionally exhausted, unheard, or unfulfilled, it’s time to walk away. You deserve someone who’s already doing the work, not someone who’s promising they will someday.

10. You Don’t Have Clear Relationship Goals And Non-Negotiables

Cast Of Thousands
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If you’re not clear about what you actually want in a relationship, you’ll find yourself falling into whatever dynamic presents itself. Emotionally damaged people often have chaotic, undefined relationships, and if you’re not intentional, you might get swept up in that whirlwind. Without clear relationship goals, you’re more likely to settle for situationships that aren’t healthy. The lack of direction in your relationships makes it easier for emotionally unavailable people to take advantage of you, keeping you in cycles where your needs aren’t prioritized.

Defining what you truly want in a partner and a relationship can prevent you from falling into these unhealthy patterns. When you establish clear boundaries and expectations, you automatically filter out people who don’t align with them. Knowing what you deserve helps you recognize when a relationship is fulfilling versus when it’s simply filling a void. If you frequently find yourself wondering why your relationships feel unbalanced, it may be time to sit down and figure out exactly what you’re looking for. Love shouldn’t be something you stumble into—it should be something you actively choose with intention. The right person will complement your life rather than pull you into their chaos. If you don’t set the standard for your relationships, someone else will—and it may not be in your best interest.

11. Your Patience Makes You a Magnet for Emotional Vampires

sad woman looking out window

You’ve always been known for your patience, the person who gives endless chances and tries to see the best in people even when they repeatedly let you down. While patience is a virtue in many areas of life, in relationships, it can sometimes mean you end up tolerating more than you should. Emotionally damaged people are drawn to those who will stick around no matter what, using your loyalty as a safety net rather than taking responsibility for their own healing. Instead of appreciating your patience, they take it as permission to continue unhealthy behaviors without consequences. Over time, you start feeling more like a caretaker than a partner, constantly waiting for them to change while sacrificing your own needs.

Healthy relationships require patience, but they also require boundaries. It’s important to recognize when your patience is being exploited and when someone is simply taking advantage of your kindness. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for someone’s harmful behavior, it’s time to reassess your limits. You deserve to be with someone who values your patience rather than abuses it. There’s a fine line between being understanding and being a doormat, and the right person will never make you question which side you’re on. The strongest love comes from mutual respect, not from one person endlessly giving while the other endlessly takes.

12. Your Low Self-Worth Means You’ve Set The Bar Low

A low sense of self-worth can make you believe you don’t deserve better, which keeps you trapped in cycles of unhealthy relationships. When you don’t recognize your own value, you’re more likely to accept treatment that is beneath you because you think it’s the best you can get. Broken people are drawn to this because they know they won’t be held accountable for their actions—you’ll be too busy trying to prove you’re worth loving. The more you tolerate, the harder it becomes to see the relationship for what it is: a one-sided dynamic where your needs come second. Instead of being loved for who you are, you find yourself bending and shrinking just to keep the other person happy.

Breaking this cycle starts with changing the way you see yourself. You need to build self-worth from the inside out, rather than waiting for external validation. People who genuinely love and respect you will never make you question your worth. If you often feel like you’re constantly working to “earn” someone’s love, that’s a major red flag. Confidence in your own value will naturally repel people who want to take advantage of insecurity. When you finally realize you deserve more, you’ll stop settling for less.

13. You Confuse Emotional Intensity for Love

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You’ve grown used to relationships that feel like emotional rollercoasters—high highs, low lows, and constant unpredictability. You mistake the intensity for passion, thinking that the push and pull of dramatic fights and passionate makeups mean the connection is strong. In reality, this kind of instability isn’t love—it’s a trauma bond. Emotionally damaged people often create chaos in relationships, making you feel like you have to fight for their love, but true love isn’t something that needs to be won. If a relationship only feels exciting when there’s drama, that’s a sign something is deeply wrong.

Healthy love should feel stable, supportive, and safe. It shouldn’t leave you constantly questioning where you stand or wondering if the next argument will be the one that breaks you. If you find yourself drawn to people who make you feel emotionally exhausted, take a step back and ask yourself why. Maybe deep down, you think love has to be a struggle to be real, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The strongest relationships are built on consistency, not emotional turmoil. When you finally experience a love that is calm, mutual, and secure, you’ll wonder why you ever settled for anything less.

 

Georgia is a passionate story-teller and accomplished lifestyle journalist originally from Australia, now based in New York City. She writes lifestyle content for Bolde Media, publishers of Bolde, Star Candy and Earth Animals.