I think my 20s can be summed up in one sentence: “Not single, not taken.” There were so many guys who I thought I’d end up having a long-term relationship with, but they always fizzled out. Some told me it was because they “weren’t looking for marriage” while others just ghosted for no reason. Dating is so tough. But instead of lamenting about the potential dates that didn’t work out, here’s why you should celebrate the fact that they’re in the past.
- Do you really want to be with a guy that’s so unsure? Seriously — if he doesn’t know whether or not he wants to be your boyfriend, he’s not seeing your true potential. Be happy that he hurt you now and not down the road when he decides he’s “not ready to settle down.” Because that’s exactly what will happen. I’m not saying that every guy you date should see you as his future wife, but if he fizzles out at the start of a real relationship, he honestly never really valued you as a person.
- Constantly questioning his commitment is a big waste of your time. You deserve to know where things stand. If you keep questioning if this guy is actually your boyfriend or just a friend with benefits, you’re wasting time in meeting someone who actually wants the same set-up as you. When it comes to dating, don’t be afraid to openly state what you’re looking for near the beginning. If a guy is scared away by your boldness, he probably wasn’t “The One” anyway.
- In time, you’ll realize he wasn’t that great. It might hurt right now since you were likely only in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. You saw someone with potential, there was a lot of flirting, you went on a date, and then… nothing for weeks. He tricked you into thinking he was perfect and then left you hanging. A decent guy wouldn’t do that to you. Even if he wasn’t feeling things on your side, he’d be upfront about his feelings and not just ghost. Still not convinced? Just remember, you didn’t have the time to get to learn about his many imperfections.
- Right now isn’t a great time for dating. If you’re currently quarantined, that would put a bunch of strain on your relationship. It’s really hard to start anything new when the world is in the midst of a crisis. Be happy that the timing actually worked out the way it did. While you’re home, you can fine-tune your dating profile and enjoy a little you-time without having to think about dating.
- If it fizzled out from your end, maybe your brain was trying to tell you something. If things started strong and then you just realized there was no longer a spark, you did the right thing. Hopefully, you didn’t ghost (since that hurts guys, too) but treated the fizzling like an adult. Just make sure not to look back at this relationship and wondered what could have been if you’re still single in a few months. Listen to your heart. You made this call for a reason.
- It could have naturally fizzled since you’re not on the same page. There’s nothing wrong with going clubbing on the weekends if it’s something you’re doing responsibly. But if that’s how you spend your time, while your guy would rather stay in, you’re just not on the same page in life right now. It can be hard for the two of you to relate and both enjoy your time together. This is actually pretty common, and it doesn’t mean he’s a jerk — he’s just not compatible.
- Every relationship will get you one step further to the right person. There’s a benefit to a failed relationship or failed almost-relationship. You can always look back, examine what went wrong, and then aim to find someone better next time around. For example, maybe this relationship fizzled since they’re bad at texting. For the next guy you meet, you’ll remember that lack of communication can be a real deal-breaker. You likely won’t find someone who checks all the boxes of a perfect relationship, but at least you know what characteristics and traits were problematic beforehand.
- Since being single isn’t that bad. Seriously, do you even need to be in a relationship right now? Learning how to live life as a singleton is really rewarding. It’s important to not have to depend on someone else all the time. Even if a relationship fizzles, you should be happy in knowing that you’ve still got a bit of dating game for when the right time comes. You’re able to flirt, date, and seek guys. You just shouldn’t feel pressured to right now.