Why You Should Never Apologize For Being “Intense” In Love

Girls who are super into relationships get a lot of flak. They’re told they’re moving too fast, pressuring a guy into committing too soon, and generally failing at how to be a cool, calm, independent girl. That doesn’t mean it’s true, of course – if you’re that girl, it’s just who you are, and it’s your reality. It must work out somehow, or you’d never have any boyfriends at all. Here are 10 reasons why being super intense about those you date is totally cool and you don’t need to feel bad about it.

  1. If it’s not intense now, then when? It’s a requirement of happy relationships that the beginning stage is full of that perfect combo of lust, excitement, and shared interests. If you tend to bring your A-game every time you start seeing someone new and are into sleepovers for a week straight, you shouldn’t be ashamed. You should want to do those things and you should be super excited to be with the other person. If it’s lackluster now, it’s not going to magically get better several years into the relationship.
  2. The red flags will come out sooner rather than later. Going slow with a new guy could mean getting a not so happy surprise six months in when you learn something weird or a secret comes to light. Wouldn’t you rather know after the first month that he’s not the right one for you rather than having to wait?
  3. You’ll live with zero regrets. Which is really the only way to live. Even if your relationship crashes and burns, hey, at least you gave it your all. That’s what counts. As a wise man once said, it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
  4. Guys get intense, too. I can never understand why girls get such flak for supposedly texting a guy way too much or generally being too into the new romance. Any guy I’ve dated has been the one texting me all the time and he’s definitely put in an equal amount of effort. It takes two to tango, so if you’re being intense, maybe it’s because he is, as well.
  5. You’re confident in your feelings. Nothing makes us more vulnerable than falling in love. There’s always the chance you’re going to get hurt badly, even if you’re comfortable in the relationship, because that’s just life and there are no guarantees. So be proud that you’re confident enough to be able to give a new guy your whole self. You’re cool with who you are, you consider yourself your own hero and that’s awesome.
  6. You’ll learn from your mistakes. If you’re already moved in as soon as you start staying over at your new guy’s place, you’re going to figure out pretty quickly that there are some things that are cool when merging your life with someone else’s, and some things that are just crazy. You’ll make mistakes and come on too strong, and will learn and not do the same thing next time. You may love being in love, but you’re not trying to stalk anyone.
  7. The commitment-phobes will run screaming. If the guy doesn’t want something as serious as you do, he’s going to tell you pretty quickly, and you’ll avoid wasting months or even years on someone who’s just using you or who doesn’t see a future. So your intensity will come in handy and save you lots of heartache and ice cream binges.
  8. It’s considered fine when a guy does this stuff. When a guy wants us to meet the people he loves and mentions the future, we’re so relieved that he wants something serious. When a girl does this stuff, we accuse her of moving too quickly. Double standard, much?
  9. Each relationship has its own rhythm. Some couples believe that slow and steady wins the race and it takes them a while to really admit that things are going well. Others jump right in and are practically cohabitating within the first week. It’s not your fault that you’re intense in every single relationship – it’s just your own personal rhythm. Embrace it and learn to love it as much as the guys you date.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.