Why You Should Never Chase A Guy

While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your interest in a guy who catches your eye, once you’ve made your feelings clear, the ball is in his court. If he’s not interested, you can’t force it, and you certainly should never chase him.

  1. You come across as desperate. As much as we rail against the patriarchal society we live in, the fact is that historically, it’s been the man’s job to go after the woman. If you take on this role, people assume there’s something wrong with you. After all, if you were a decent catch then you wouldn’t need to have to go after a guy. Again, I know it’s backward but it’s crucial for you to note that if you chase a guy, he’ll start to think something’s off with you.
  2. If he gives you the time of day, he won’t treat you well. This is a result of my earlier point. When a guy thinks you need him more than he needs you then he has no incentive to treat you well and go the extra mile. After all, you’re not going anywhere. It sounds harsh but human beings tend to cherish things that are hard to obtain. If you throw yourself at him then the writing’s on the wall for you.
  3. You give him all the power. Whether you two go out, when you do, and what you do is all in his hands. I believe in mutually beneficial and respectful relationships. The only way this happens is when both people show interest in each other and work toward building something real. When you’re the one chasing him, you’ve laid all your cards on the table. Now he gets to decide what game he’s going to play with them. More often than not, it won’t be one you like. Chasing after a guy is one of the worst ways to give away your power. Don’t do it!
  4. It will mess with your self-esteem. When you chase after a guy, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You continuously try to put yourself in situations where there might be and try to strike up conversations with him. Each time he doesn’t respond like you want him to, it’s like a stab in the heart. Emotional well-being is important. Do yourself a favor and don’t put your heart on the line for a man you barely know.
  5. It will ruin your reputation. A lot of us run in small social circles. If you’re known as the girl that chases after guys and is desperate to be with anyone, word will get around. That means a lot of the good guys who hear about you won’t go after you and a lot of the bad boys will want to play with you. It’s important for women to have a bit of mystique about themselves, in addition to a good reputation. Do yourself a favor and set yourself up for future success.
  6. He may feel harassed or stalked. Although men often portray a tough exterior, they have feelings just like we women do. Being persistent when he’s not interested is abuse. Guys put out subtle hints just like women do. Be respectful and comply with them. There’s nothing more unflattering than a woman that can take a hint. Sound familiar? Harassment goes both ways. Don’t be a perpetrator.
  7. The chances of him being “The One” are slim to none. The right guy for you will probably notice you right away. If not, then very soon after. All you need to do is put yourself in situations where the two of you might interact. If a guy doesn’t approach you are express interest, then that means he’s not the one for you. Don’t be so desperate to have someone that you settle for the wrong one.
  8. If you do get him, then you won’t keep him for very long. I’ve seen a lot of women boast about how easily they manipulate guys into dating them. I secretly shake my head when these women talk. The fact is that if you can so quickly change a guy’s mind, nothing is stopping some other woman out there doing the same thing.
  9. He’ll end up cheating on you. Let’s imagine that by some miracle everything went right and the guy you’ve chased finally decided to date you. The chances are high that he’ll cheat you. The fact is that men love the chase. It’s a stereotype with a lot of truth to it. When you go after him, he doesn’t get that experience. He doesn’t get the enjoyment of approaching you, getting you to give him a chance, then finally securing you as a potential future mate. If you don’t give him that then he’s going to look for that experience elsewhere. As I said, I’m a feminist and I think that things go better when men and women both—respectfully—express their interest in each other, and leave room for a response. Let’s stop all the chasing, shall we?
Hannah is a twenty-something-year-old freelance writer, obsessed with reality TV, and all things sweet.