Why You Should Never Date A Guy Who Isn’t Sure About You

Your crush says he’s not sure if he wants a serious relationship “right now.” Or, he says that he’s just not sure if he sees you as a friend or more. You might ignore that little voice in your head telling you to run for the closest door and instead choosing to stay in case he comes around. Here’s why the latter’s a bad idea.

  1. Why is this your problem? If you decide to wait for this guy to make up his mind, what’s really happening is that you’re taking on his problem. You know what you want — you wanted to date him. He doesn’t feel that same certainty. Why should his problem become yours?
  2. “Maybe” is really a “no.” It’s easy to try to give him the benefit of the doubt and tell yourself that maybe he just likes to move more slowly in relationships, but why should you do that? Someone you want to date should know 100% that they choose you. This isn’t something that should be negotiable. Ever.
  3. You shouldn’t surrender your power. When you agree to hang around in the hope that the guy will wake up one morning and decide that he’s smitten with you, what you’re actually doing is handing over your power to him. You’re saying that he can take his time and string you along and you’ll just take it. Screw that.
  4. It’s an insult really. You’ve been on how many dates with this guy and now he’s telling you that he’s just not sure if he sees you as something more than just a friend? Uh, what? This is actually quite insulting, especially if he’s been acting like your boyfriend. Don’t waste time on such a jerk. You can do better.
  5. You could miss out on other opportunities. Not to bring up that dreaded FOMO that can make you anxious, but if you’re waiting around for this guy, you might totally be missing out on better opportunities that are out there. Look, unless he’s said that he’s committed to being with you and as soon as his rough patch is over he’ll be 100% into the relationship, AND he’s still making you an important part of his life during this time, he doesn’t deserve you putting your life on hold for him.
  6. If he doesn’t know now, he’ll never know. In order to better make sense of this situation, think about how you behave when meeting someone new. You pretty might know after a short time spent with them what it is you want from them and if you see a romantic future with them, even if you don’t have all the details. So, when you think of that, what’s really stopping this guy from having that knowledge?
  7. He just doesn’t want to share his feelings with you. Maybe the guy is saying he needs time or isn’t ready to take that leap with you because he’s too much of a coward to tell you what he really thinks: he’s not vibing with you. Bear that in mind because there’s nothing worse than waiting for someone who actually will never be yours. Take the hint and move on.
  8. What if he really is confused? In the rare case that the guy really is all over the place and doesn’t know what the heck he wants out of life or he really is going through some trauma, then that’s all the more reason not to stick around. That probably sounds harsh, so hear me out. He’s just not ready for anything serious right now and you should respect that enough to walk away. The last thing either of you needs is to try to make something happen in such a stressful situation.
  9. It could be a case of bad timing. The above is an example of having bad timing with someone. Hey, it happens, but remember that it’s happening for a reason. This guy’s just not right for you.
  10. Love doesn’t wait around. You know when you fall for someone and you just want to be with them right now? You’re so worried that some obstacle will get in the way of your path, so you act fast. You take charge. You take that leap. That’s love. Love doesn’t sit around on a sofa somewhere saying, “Ah, well, there’s always tomorrow.” Nah-uh. It lives for the moment. You deserve someone who’ll take that leap for you right now because you’re such a catch and he’s terrified that you’ll be snapped up by someone else.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.