Why You Should Never Force A Relationship That’s Not Working

One of the worst feelings is finally landing the guy you’ve been crushing on forever only to have it fall apart before your very eyes. Sometimes relationships end not because you’re both bad people but because you’re just not compatible. Here’s why it’s better to just let it go.

  1. Relationships should be hard work but not a full-time job. It’s important for even the most compatible of partners to work on their relationship and provide maintenance when necessary, sure, but it shouldn’t be the most difficult part of the day. It’s a lot easier to be with someone who shares a lot of common values that you do. It’ll be a much healthier match in the long run.
  2. Neither of you is happy. You might both deny this out of respect for each other, but neither of you is gaining much from this relationship. The longer it goes on, the more you might find yourself resentful that he’s not the person you thought he was. In fact, this relationship may have lasted this long already since both of you are scared to be the one to call it out for what it is. If things aren’t working out by now, they never will.
  3. Your friends can see how strained the relationship is. It’s not easy to fake chemistry. Whenever the two of you go out with friends, it’s likely painful to the rest of the group to see the two of you interact. It’s possible you take a tone with each other that makes it seem like you’re brother and sister. That’s enough to make anyone uncomfortable.
  4. Time is somewhat limited if you both want different things. If you want marriage and kids and he’s hoping you’ll change your mind, the relationship isn’t working. Even if everything else is great, you’re not compatible. These are two non-negotiables. The longer you’re together, the harder these processes might be. Obviously, there are plenty of ways to add kids to your family, but if you have a specific dream that he’s not on board with, why are you wasting your time?
  5. The more you force, the less of a chance you’ll be friends. Sometimes you can be great friends with a guy but have zero romantic chemistry. Maybe you just aren’t attracted to each other in that way, even if you really want to be. The quicker it ends, the less vitriol you’ll have towards him. Sometimes, ex-boyfriends are still worth having in your life to some degree.
  6. A bad relationship might ruin your entire concept of relationships. We’ve all had bad boyfriends before, but if you’ve been trying hard to make a dead relationship work for months (or years), you may forget that their main purpose is to be fulfilling. You’re supposed to date someone who complements you and your personality. If your relationship is total drama and you anticipate a fight every day, you’re not compatible.
  7. Relationships should always be partnerships. If you’ve been doing all the work for quite some time with this guy, you might just assume you’re better off alone. For instance, if you tell him you’d like more help with housework and he makes excuses before making a plan every single time, he’s not being a partner. He’s being a child and sorry to say, he’s not going to get any better. This hardship is a totally valid reason to dump someone.
  8. You might forget your worth. If you two are fighting a lot, it’s possible you may have exchanged your fair share of words in the heat of the moment. Not only might this be abusive on both of your parts, but it’s possible he’s made you feel like you’re a bad girlfriend. That alone might make you afraid to try and move on.
  9. You’ll come off as being a little desperate. He might be trying to end things while you insist he gives it another chance. That makes sense the first time you realize you’re having issues with your partner. But what about the second or third time? It’s obvious this guy wants an out if he keeps bringing it up first. Forcing him to stay with you is just going to lead to disaster down the road. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
  10. If you stay together, you’ll always wonder whether or not you could have been happier. You might be holding onto a broken relationship since you’re scared to put yourself out there again. That’s understandable, especially if you were together for a while. Unfortunately, it’s something you’ll eventually have to get over. You’ve got one life — do you want to spend it constantly worrying about whether or not it could have been better with just a little more bravery?
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.