Stop Talking: Why You Shouldn’t Broadcast Your Relationship Status

At some point in every relationship we all need a shoulder to cry on and an open ear to listen to us. While you may think venting to your friends is helpful, it can also be hurtful. Unless you’re going through a major issue in your relationship where you seek the counsel of a therapist, rarely can any good come from others sticking their noses into it. Here are the 10 reasons why it’s better to keep your mouth shut about your boyfriend.

  1. The law of attraction. The law of attraction basically states that you receive the same kind of energy you put out into the universe. If you believe this, when you speak negatively about your partner and your relationship, you’ll be encouraging more of it. Whether you believe in this theory or not, when people constantly rant and rave about their partner, they’re usually in worse moods because they continue focusing on only the things that aren’t perfect.
  2. Your friends won’t ever forget. Friends are like elephants – they’ll remember that one incredibly hurtful insult your boyfriend hurled at you mid-fight that you shared with them pretty much forever. They’ll never forget when you told them about the one or two times he was incredibly selfish or acted like a total D. When you share too much information ,you’ll inevitably taint their perception of him. They may smile and nod when you talk about him after that fight, but might secretly be hoping for you to end the relationship and move on.
  3. Your man will feel uncomfortable around your friends. Your guy will know when you gossip about him to your friends. Not only will your friends’ opinions start becoming unfavorable when you share every disagreement, but your man won’t want to be around them. Guys are inherently more private than women and he probably won’t want to sit through happy hour feeling the glare from your pals that they know that one time for an hour last year you suggested taking a break or embarrassed that they know that he had trouble getting it up on your last weekend getaway.
  4. No one knows what it’s really like besides you two. You can describe, vent and discuss your relationship until you’re blue in the face. You can get advice from your mom, your friends or even your mailman, but everyone’s advice will be colored by their own experiences and insecurities. No one really knows what it’s like to be inside of a relationship other than the two people who are actually in it. Instead of looking to outside sources, you should learn to trust your gut. It’s usually spot on. You just have to learn to pay attention to it.
  5. Discretion is a virtue. Regardless of how close you are with other people, sometimes your relationship is none of their damn business. Not everyone is as tight-lipped as we may like to believe, and there are some details both good and bad that should remain inside of the relationship.
  6. Endless discussion can create more problems. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? For example, if you become obsessed with the idea that your man might one day cheat on you and worry about that one co-worker he introduced you to at last year’s Christmas party and become distrustful and start treating him like he’s done something wrong, he may feel that and actually start looking for someone else outside of your relationship to make him feel good. Not an excuse, just a realistic example.
  7. It makes you sweat the small stuff. When you incessantly discuss your relationship, you’re bound to nitpick. That’s a slippery slope because you inevitably augment the little things in your relationship that if you hadn’t examined ad nauseam, you probably would have been happy letting go, therefore creating more problems.
  8. The only person you should be talking to is him. If you have real issues in your relationship, you have to talk to your partner. As much as we’d like to believe that our men must also realize there’s an issue or a problem, they don’t. Sometimes simply making them aware of your gripes is the easiest way to fix it. If they’re aware, no one will be able to fix it besides the two of you (or possibly a licensed therapist). Other conversations are literally a waste of your energy.
  9. You need time to think. If all you’re doing is yapping, you aren’t necessarily processing a situation. If you need to make a major decision like working on your relationship or splitting or even something like whether you two are ready to move-in together, you need to silence your mouth so you can listen to your inner voice to figure out your true feelings about how you should proceed.
  10. The only opinion you should listen to is yours. You may make a choice that you’re happy with for the rest of your life, or the decision you make might be one that you regret in six months. Regardless, that means the decision was yours. There’s nothing worse than realizing that you based a major life decision on people who aren’t living your life. Sometimes we make mistakes, but we should grow from them. If you’re only listening to others you will never be able to mature into the person you’re meant to be.
Abby Stern grew up in New Orleans and is now an actress, screenwriter, and blogger (who isn't?) trying to keep it real in Los Angeles. She also writes for FabFitFun and contributes to various blogs detailing her unique perspective on dating and twenty-something life in Hollywood. Gwyneth Paltrow is her spirit animal and in her free time, Abby enjoys Bellinis and plotting to steal unattended Birkin bags. Follow her on Twitter: @abbystern